Easter Sunday, two days before my surgery
My prenatal surgery incision, three days post-op
Zack at my bedside, about an hour after surgery
Baby Josiah, the day before my prenatal surgery
I’m so excited to leave the hospital and continue resting at home :)
I’m writing a lot of letters ~ Natalie skips to the mailbox to drop them off for me!
/ / /
It feels like a miracle I’m here, 13 days after my prenatal surgery, and feeling incredibly well. I’ve been home for one week, with each day bringing more strength and mobility. Through God’s graciousness, my prenatal surgery went better than the doctors anticipated. They were confident in the neurological work set before them, but seeing Josiah’s backside during surgery showed a better reality than they were expecting. I spent five nights in the hospital. Two of them brought the ease of having an epidural; the others were hard in their own unique, sometimes unbearable, way. I have seen how the Lord has used my past to prepare me for this recovery season. Isn’t that kind of Him?
Multiple times, while in the hospital, I cried from overwhelm. Sometimes it was over the pain, other times it was from gratefulness over the miracle that I am still carrying a baby. I have so much hope for the future. I do not doubt the goodness of God during this hard time, but I have wondered why God has chosen me to walk this path. My faith in God is my entire life. There is no questioning that this is the path for me (yet still I wonder, why me?).
The only way to the other side of this pain is to walk through it. Carrying a child with Spina Bifida is what God has for me and my family, our entire family. I have softened in my mothering (and other relationships) that seem to have only come from this diagnosis, though that is not the only thing softening ;) Sitting this much, even simply the lifting limitations, is softening me physically, too.
Ten years ago I experienced the tenderness of a c-section, and this recovery has been similar. Today, I’m thankful for the similarities as I heal and rest. Ten years ago I experienced a new type of sacrificial love, brought through motherhood. Today, I’m thankful for a new type of sacrificial love experienced through the pain of prenatal surgery. Through a series of possibilities, I qualified for and accepted this prenatal surgery for the sole benefit of Josiah. My incision spans my original c-section scar and up past my belly button. My limitations are vast. This is all for the glory of God and the benefit of Josiah’s future.
Zack’s tenderness toward me is probably the best form of natural medicine. I relied on him so much during my week in the hospital, and continue to now that I’m at our new home in Ann Arbor, MI. My children’s care and willingness to sit with me, to burrow a shoulder under my arm so we can snuggle, is another form of natural medicine I’m grateful to have. And our parents, who took our children to their homes so I could rest after surgery, have been wonderfully helpful.
In the coming days I hope to share more of my written thoughts. In the meantime, please continue to share how I can pray for you through a written letter. I have really been blessed to read your private requests and join you in mentorship through letter writing.
PPS. Please read James 4:8; Psalm 139; Romans 10:13, and Romans 15:13.