We sat on the couch, me and Zack together for an after-lunch cup of coffee. He could read the storm settling in my mind; he probably started charting it hours before it actually arrived. Perhaps that’s why he invited me to a coffee date? Either way, I accepted his invitation and sat down.
It’s difficult to have words begging to be enunciated, yet the tongue keeps them tangled and inside.
A bird fluttering outside the large picture window caught my attention, and so I glanced its way.
And that’s when he asked, “What’s on your mind?”
Oh, that’s a rather large question, I thought. But we’ve been married for almost 12 years, together for almost 16 years, so I opened my mouth and began to unravel some of the mess that was weighing me down, both in body and in spirit.
“It’s not always easy to wait, is it?” And then I ask, “Are these weights, these overloads, supposed to be kept where all feels dark and lonely?” I asked these questions, and more, aloud. I wondered if the bird heard me.
He nodded in familiarity. “No, my darling, certainly not,” he replied.
And so, as he gently asked more questions, I steadily unravelled the mess within my mind. What I know about myself is this: the mess on the inside always feels larger than the mess on the outside. He asks the hard questions, but I have to do the hard work of pulling the weeds.
At times we sat in silence, but we kept asking questions, because we all know, it’s best to keep moving forward. Even if the only moving we’re doing is through a prayer on our lips or a flicker of thought through our minds, keep going.
“Show up & work hard,” the tiny white sign under the mirror reminds. So I open up, and we move forward together.
HERE ARE A FEW THINGS THAT HELP:
- Acknowledge the hardship
- Mourn what has been lost
- Ask, “how can I make this easier?”
- Make a list of steps to re-build; a pattern to re-weave
- Simply: start!
- And then, celebrate the truth, goodness, and beauty in our life
Here are some more questions to ask: what is going well? What do we know is right? Is there anything we are enjoying right now? What beauty can we see?
Here are some more things to help you “start”: turn on the music. Plant flowers. Gather the children for a walk. Get lost in a good meal. Read a book aloud. Call a friend. Go to sleep early (always a favorite). Cry. Kick the throw pillow. Outline three things you can accomplish today (progress is rewarding!).
But ultimately: keep moving forward.
PS. my words in this post are inspired by a book written by my friend, Elise Blaha Cripe, Big Dreams, Daily Joys. I hope to write more about what I’ve learned throughout her book. The simplicity of the goal-making process. The action steps. I can feel the mental weight lifting as I read, and it is wonderful. Oh, and this post isn’t sponsored :) Encouraging words are powerful & contagious. xx
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I was so excited to see you on here today Maggie! I had a conversation with my son yesterday and part of it was concern for my little ones. I smile as I realize that you know who my youngest 4 are!
My son is so kind and understanding and I heard just what I was needing and didn’t know it!
God is good sweet girl and I am blessed by your heartfelt sharing!
Grambarb — what a gift that is, to be heard & understood. What does the rest of your week hold for you? xx
Sometimes our thoughts can be a tangled web. Especially now when we are so cooped up and in need of new scenery. I’m so glad to have you. We are very blessed to have become professional untanglers. :) Great writing Queen.
…one bite at a time :)
Such great encouragement. Thank you for sharing with us… also I just think it’s SO sweet that Zack knows you enough to ask you hard questions to get you to untangle your thoughts, and also reads and comments on your blog.
He is a great support to me, among many other things. Thank you for your comment, Angela. xx
It’s wonderful to have great partners to help us untangle!
Beautiful post – I enjoyed reading it :)
I hope the weights lessen soon, but the burden is less when you have help carrying it all.
I’m reminded of this saying: joy shared is multiplied; grief shared is divided. Happy Wednesday to you, Katie! xx