She releases a strong puff of air, freeing the collection of dust on her computer. It flies upward, then dissipates.
Well, hellooo! It’s been a few months since we’ve gathered here together. This writing space has been a part of my life for over a decade now, and so naturally I miss it while I’m away. Last time I wrote here, it was the winter season. And one day during that season, while scrolling Instagram, I just knew it was time for me to step away and write strictly offline; I needed to take a generous break.
During my time away, while the dust was collecting on my computer, I welcomed my newfound time to think and just be with myself, my husband, and our four young children.
I felt a window open, and it was so freeing to have the space to wonder, to sit with the present moment. Sometimes what has long become a routine soon needs to be re-evaluated, and that’s exactly where I found myself towards the end of 2019.
One day, I noticed the collection of dust that came to be, and the desire to write online returned. So here I am :)
My time offline was weird, delightful, and spent practicing a new way of living. I’d love to share with you some of my thoughts during my time away…
I remember reading in Natalie Goldberg’s book, Writing Down the Bones, how our handwriting becomes larger and looser when we write for ourselves. A psychological freedom begins when we loosen up and write from a place of liberty over truth, goodness, and beauty.
Re-reading through my journals from December 2019 to March 2020, I found an early entry. I wrote — “What will I do with my time?”, and before the ink dried I began writing myself a new question, “What WILL I do with my time?” And so as I review the pages I’ve journaled during my time writing offline, it doesn’t take long to notice how true this handwriting statement is for me.
My handwriting absolutely began to loosen up when I feel free. There are a lot of entries, a lot of scriptures written out, a lot of prayers recorded. It’s really beautiful for me to see my handwriting evolve through my journal entries.
There wasn’t a lot I accomplished “on paper” during my 3+ months away, but I did accomplish two grand things:
- I made room for the silence of motherhood
- I leaned even deeper into reading, tending my house plants, and homeschooling.
As much as social media inspires and connects me to wonder, to learning, it’s also known to deeply overwhelm me. (I hate admitting that, but it’s important for me to admit that.)
I learned it was quite a relief for me to step back and write purely for myself. To not think so deeply about why I was doing what I was doing. To not complicate all the daily decisions, tasks, and discipline needed as a mother of four young children, but rather to grow in my confidence as a mother of four young children. I wanted to stop doing things “just because”, but rather ask myself some questions, such as…
Why am I going about things in a particular way?
Why do I choose the books on my reading list? (Similarly, what do I want on my reading list?)
What kind of thoughts am I having during the endless waking hours of motherhood?
Why is my sleep pattern so terrible?
What adjustments do we need to make as a homeschooling family?
Life has called me to labor through the sacrificial work of motherhood and sisterhood, and I want to be obedient with my response. I want to be aware and present of what’s in front of me. I want to focus on truth, goodness, and beauty.
And so what I was re-awakened to during my time writing offline is there is so much truth, goodness, and beauty in our lives. Even in the hardship of our lives. Are we awake to see it?
The impact this lifestyle will have on generations & generations to come is what I celebrated and revered. I already see its fruit in my four children, and their young ages range from 7 years to nearly 2 years old. It’s so cool.
I loved having the space to process and implement some of the things I’ve learned while growing in my knowledge as a woman loved by her Father.
And now, I’m back online at the same time the world is experiencing a pandemic. It’s interesting, to say the least.
I shared with Zack the obedience required of our new rhythm. I’m reminded of the diligence needed to do my job well. Each day, there is gentleness to give as we nurture and serve beautiful lives. There is a maturity that comes with respecting the leaders in our lives.
As women and mothers, there is a lot to do each day, yes.
But also true: there is a lot to not do each day.
If you were to put beauty, goodness and truth at the forefront of your mind, which daily decisions would you make differently?
I mentioned reading as one of my grand accomplishments during my time writing offline, so here’s a link to one of the books I read (and LOVED)!
And because I love to share, I’ll be back soon with links to the books I’ve recently read, books I’m currently reading, and a few meals I enjoyed preparing for my family.
Switching gears: how are you? What have the last few months looked like for you & your household? What books are you reading? Do you have a healthy sleeping routine to pass along?
“See” you soon!