What is this life if we don’t take what we’ve learned, or hope to learn, and move forward with confidence and peace? I don’t want to just settle. I don’t want to live in unachievable hope. I don’t want to live in the what-ifs or the if-onlys or the maybe-one-days.
I want to get “it”.
When I started waking up early, as in more than an hour before my children wake for the day, I started to see more tangible results with my mothering. I thought, Is this “hocus pocus” ~ that me waking up early to get in the Word is WHY I am having a better, more patient, more positive day? Is the world helping me because I’m in the Word?
No. I’ve learned it’s because the Word helps shapes my eyes to see the world for what it really is: imperfect and looking for a ray of hope. And so it’s only after I’ve been in the Word that I can shift my selfish perspective into something a bit more pleasant.
My heart is softened towards the heartbeats in my life when I rise early to read my Bible. When I rise early to organize my day, I am reminded of my role as care-taker. And when I think of this role, another layer of my heart softens.
* * *
Early last week, a mix of the scariest and the best sentences came to me on the phone: Zack called me Monday evening to tell me he had been in a horrific car accident, long story short his Subaru went under a semi truck also traveling on the freeway, but all he has is a cut on his head.
What? All of that, and just a cut on his head?
What, Lord?
What is this tightness in my heart that leads to my throat that leads to my back feeling numb as I thought, Really, Lord? You have protected my husband! As I made a few phone calls, to send help Zack’s way and notify our parents, I just couldn’t wrap my head around those horrific moments. But I don’t need to, nor should I.
One of my roles is to be a care-taker, so I just did the next thing, and then the next thing, and then the next thing. All the while repeating endlessly, Thank you God.
* * *
That “one writing thing” happened to me again. I was in the kitchen, moving around with seamless motion and not even really processing what I was doing ~ you know, because my body and my mind were doing that care-taking thing again :) I process a lot of thoughts while I’m in my kitchen. Do you? It’s typically quiet in my kitchen, and so I think my thoughts know to let down and be washed in the simplicity only the kitchen knows how to bring. Some thoughts I had: What makes motherhood easy or hard? What makes my day go by rather fast, rather uneventful ~ although definitely very hard at times and seemingly impossible to overcome on my own? Then the answer came to my mind, and I thought, YES, that is totally it!
My head said to write it down, but my hand, busy with something else, said there’s no need to. You’ll remember this, Maggie.
But, I don’t remember the answer.
I just remember feeling like I am getting it. I am GETTING IT ~ this life that I have with the three children scattering around my feet throughout all the waking hours of the day, this fourth baby growing in my tummy and this care-taking badge I so happily wear. This calling to serve and experience joy, I am getting it. And with five motherhood years beneath me, the ones now worn on my face and my hands and my sore muscles, they don’t quite remember what the tip is, but they know it’s been found.
Motherhood is constantly changing, morphing into something beautiful if we’ll just let it. When we try to boss it around and make it into something it’s not, when we fight the notion to rise early and be ready for our people, that’s when it feels incredibly hard.
When motherhood changes a little bit more towards tenderness then I rest in the YES, THIS IS IT.
This was very good. Even in my current stage of mothering teens I still need to remember that the work is still important and the joy is a real reward.
Yes Pam! :) the marathon of motherhood never ends, but my prayer is the joy continues to multiply with every passing year! xx
So incredibly blessed to have gained you as a daughter,wonderful mommy to my precious grandbabies, and lovely wife to my #1 son. Thank you Jesus. Mom
well ~ THANK YOU! ♥
Love this, and all your insightful posts on motherhood. Being the caretaker of my family and my home is my number one priority and I can not think of anything more important….
Hi Rachel! Thank you for your comment :) I’m curious, have you always felt this way? What kind of self-care practices do you have, or what helps encourage you in your homemaking/mothering? xx
Maggie,
I have always felt this way, but it has taken me a long while to fully embrace it, and live it to the fullest. I sometimes fight against the demands and repetitiveness of motherhood, but deep down I know it is my most important job. As for self care, this is where I really struggle. I work outside the home (my girls are 11 and 8) and my job takes up a big portion of my week. And then there is everything else involved in keeping a home and supporting my family. Once I get all the ‘work’ done there is not often a lot of time left for me. I’m trying to fit it in, to make the time, to prioritize myself a bit, but it is hard. This whole journey is hard sometimes, but then I see my girls growing and thriving and just loving every moment and I know it is worth it. That being said, I do need to make sure that I have something that fills me up and helps me thrive…..I’m trying.