I’ve really struggled lately with sneaking away.
Sneaking away from work to make sure I’m enjoying life outside of work. Sneaking away from life outside of work by reading the Bible, but then struggling to make sure I actually sneak away to read.
Sneaking away from the little aches life sends my way, only to receive email after phone call after text after email after text. Friends checking in makes it even harder to sneak away :)
Here’s what I’ve learned: We can never fully sneak away.
If God wants us to have a break from life, He’ll send a break our way.
If God wants us to learn more about something, no matter how hard it hurts, He’ll send the lesson our way.
Life this past year has been full of little games of hide + seek.
I keep hiding.
Guess who keeps finding me?
Maybe you’ve noticed I’ve been acting a little funny this year. Not quite like myself, but not so unlike myself. Maybe you’re someone that’s called or texted or emailed to check in. If you are, I appreciate it so so much. I’ll be honest though — I am really struggling with opening up. How are some of you so darn brave? Share your secrets with me :)
I told a friend yesterday about some of these things, and her only words of advice?
Maybe God is trying to whisper something to you but you’re not listening.
Another friend I saw on Monday encouraged me to take more risks.
Maybe you have something encouraging to share below in the comments? Maybe you have a spare minute to say a prayer of peace over me? Maybe you can relate to me, so you’ll stay silent for just a moment longer?
Silence. Sometimes it can be really amazing. Other times it can be really overwhelming.
God, I know you hear my prayers. Speak to me…
I’m so blessed + honored to call you friend.
I’ve followed your blog since before you went full-time Gussy. I’ve always been inspired by your openness and honesty. I’m a blogger myself and have found that putting ourselves out there to the world, even though we think we enjoy it, can cause a sort of stress on our emotions we don’t anticipate. For me there are times I’ve felt pressured to put on a sort of “personality” that my readers are use to seeing. I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis Nov 2010 and I’ve really struggled with blogging since then because I’m different. I’ve changed! I don’t know how to be different with the blog readers because I feel a sense of responsibility to them to remain as they expect. So instead I disappear for long periods of time because the emotions I’m going through are so raw and make me feel so vulnerable I don’t know how to expose those to the world. I don’t know how to be that person they all want me to be…when I’m hurting inside so much. But reading your words today made me realize that as a reader of yours…I’m okay with your changes. I’m inspired by them as well. I want you to be you and to be open and yet I want to let you be okay with stepping away and healing what doesn’t work. Brave is an amazing word! I pray you find the answers you are looking for.
I’m praying peace over you right now love. You are amazing and God created YOU just the way you are! You have a heart of gold and a spirit of happiness. Sit back and listen. See what He has for you.
You’ve prayed for me…now it’s my turn. I’m praying!
LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!!!!!
I really enjoy reading your blog and have been inspired by your writing as well as your success with your business. Most of all, I love how you open yourself up about your faith. I am in a period right now where God has been stretching me and I am not sure I want to stretch that far. I keep reminding myself that in the past when I have gone out on a limb, when I have trusted God and closed my eyes and just jumped, it is always SO VERY VERY WORTH IT. The things I am most proud of doing, or the traits I am most proud of in my personality (and there are lots I’m NOT proud of!) are all thanks to those times when I took a deep breath, put one foot in front of the other, and followed God’s lead. So whatever God is whispering in your ear…I think I know you well enough through your blog to know you will listen. And even though it is always hard to follow Jesus, I know it will be worth it. And I can’t wait to hear about it whenever you are ready to write about it. :)
Praying for you. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but honestly I’m kind of in the same boat, and not nearly as brave as you to lay it all out there. So I offer you my prayers and support. You can never have too many prayers.
I know exactly how you feel. It’s hard to open up because you leave yourself vulnerable. Open to rejection and who knows what else. At the same time, if we don’t open up and say what we are looking for, how are we supposed to get it (or fill the empty spot)? I know sometimes I get frustrated with my husband because I want something but I don’t want to ask him, I just want him to know what I need. It’s not fair to him when I get upset because he’s not giving me what I want. Sometimes we just have to tell people what it is we need or share what is on our hearts – even if it means going out of your comfort zone. Your friends won’t think less of you or judge you and God will certainly not – He will be there no matter what, and maybe it’s what your heart is needing…. to tell what is there so someone knows how to comfort you. My prayers are with you sweet Maggie as you work through this.
My dear sweet girl, I do understand and will be lifting you up in prayer on a regular basis. Trust me when I say I know how it feels to long for peace…. i’m struggling in silence myself right now. But God is so good and knows the desires of our hearts and listens…. even when all we can do is cry out in pain. So I pray that you will feel God’s comfort and peace, even if it does mean stepping out of your comfort zone. Just know that you are surrounded not only with God’s love but by fellow believers who lift you up daily before the Lord.
I’ve definitely seen a change in your posts in the last year, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing either. I feel like you are really searching, and still haven’t found the answers. I don’t know what it is that you are searching for, but I pray that you find it :)
Hi Maggie… first of all, thank you for sharing your struggles with the great game of hide and seek. So many of us are in the middle of this game ourselves but pretend that we have it all together.
Second of all, God has you right where He wants you. He knows you from the very depths of your being and knows exactly what you are struggling with and even already knows how you are going to choose to deal with them. I think what He desires most is that we make the choice to glorify Him even while going through a stumbling, bumbling, trying-to-hide-from-being-transparent time period. This just might be what He wants you to do- let others know that they are not alone in this struggle.
Hang in there and keep struggling well with life! :) You truly seem to strive to let His light shine through you!
Gussy – I have tears stinging my eyes after this post and I’m not 100% sure why. Maybe it’s because I feel like you share more than you think you do or maybe it’s because I know how what you mean. Either way I’m praying for you. I always believe that when God whispers something to us, instead of saying it loud enough for us to hear, it’s because he wants us to listen closely, he wants us our undivided attention, he wants us to focus because he wants us to hear what he has to say. Sending love and hugs your way.
Oh, wow. Pretty sure this post was written just for me. This is the first time I have ever visited your blog, and I just want to cry on your shoulder right now. Praying!
i struggle with being sn open book in my blog, too. it’s hard to allow yourself to be so vulnerable. i fear rejection.
i’ll say a prayer for you. will you pray for me? i could sure use it.
I adore you. Sometimes when God wrings us out it is just to make room for the beautiful things He is about to fill us with. It may be a tough process, but so worth it. Praying for you dear friend!
I feel like I try to “hide” a lot for the same reason. I would say for the past year I have been feeling a lot of the same things. And honestly, my time with the Lord could be so much better and I know that has a lot to do with it. I am learning to slow down and reprioritize but ultimately until I have that relationship down nothing quite seems right. I think sometimes I want to be open with people or my blog and then someone responds in a negative way and I hide in my hole again. But sometimes I need to hide…I need to learn to allow myself to not be defined by what others think of me. And once I am ready, I step out of my hole and try again…with a little more courage. It is hard to be a sensitive soul. But so rewarding to allow yourself to thrive in this. Thank you for sharing. It was a reminder to me that I need to be on my knees before the Lord about all this. Love your heart Guss!
Praying peace for your sweet heart!
It took crises and deep pain 2 years ago to force the lesson of opening up on me. I’m still working on picking through the rubble and healing. It’ll be a life-long process. But one of the best things I realized when I screwed up the courage to say what life was truly like inside was that I discovered a) no one – at least no one worthwhile – thinks ill of me for not being perfect! and b) so, so many people have in turned opened up to me, leading me to a truer understanding of who they are. It’s brought so much more beauty and vibrance to life to be WHOLE with people. And it’s something I have to work on ALL. THE. TIME. It’s not easy. But it does get easier.
Oh? And don’t try to do it yourself. You can’t. But God will help and make it possible. :) <– other lesson I am constantly relearning.
I don’t usually comment on blogs.. ok, to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever commented on a blog written by someone I didn’t know. So.. here’s a first, oh hey! Anyway.. I was blessed enough to be given a copy of Jesus Calling not to long ago by a dear friend. If you don’t have it, I highly suggest you purchase it. (No, I don’t sell them for a living.. but I do teach 5th grade, so I guess I can’t help but pass along knowledge.) If you don’t know about the book, it’s a daily devotional written in the most amazingly breathtaking way. Today’s page didn’t really speak to me, until I read your entry.. funny how God winks at us in little ways. Anyway.. I thought I would leave today’s piece with you and see if it speaks to you as well. I know all about fear, anxiety and having a hard time opening up.. so, I hope this gives you hope. Here goes:
“I have loved you with an everlasting Love. Before time began I knew you. For years you swam around in a sea of meaninglessness, searching for Love, hoping for hope. All that time I was pursuing you, aching to embrace you in My compassionate arms. When time was right, I revealed Myself to you. I lifted you out of that sea of despair and set you down on a firm foundation. Sometimes you felt naked – exposed to the revealing Light of My Presence. I wrapped an ermine robe around you: My robe of righteousness. I sang you a Love son, whose beginning and end are veiled in eternity. I infused meaning into your mind and harmony into your heart. Join Me in singing My song. Together we will draw others out of dearness and into My marvelous Light.” Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 61:10, 1 Peter 3:9
Maybe it won’t help.. maybe it will. Either way, I hope you find your way and that the tiny light stays strong. Oh! Speaking of – check out Tiny Light by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals awesome and inspiring song!
I’m in a similar place right now. Learning is hard…I hope we both “get it,” whatever it is God is trying to teach us, soon! :)
Oh Maggie- as someone who doesn’t know you personally (as I suspect many of your followers are the same), I follow you because I love & admire your honesty (about yourself & life) & your overwhelmingly beautiful spirit that shines in your posts. I relate to those feelings, like so many women- it takes courage to say something about it… True strength lies in showing your vulnerability! Prayers are being sent your way & I truly hope you find what you’re searching for (or hiding from)!
Your honesty is overwhelming and so refreshing, and you are so lucky to have friends that are checking in on you! :) God is truly working in your heart- and His timing is everything!
Maggie, I can completely relate. I haven’t been myself AT ALL lately & its a very odd feeling, not necessarily a bad one…just different. Maybe its a period or growth or maybe it’s a time of God trying to speak more life into me when everything seems to be sucking the life out of me? One thing my church leadership has taught me in times like this was to just be in a posture of receiving (hands out or open to the Lord) & asking the holy spirit to come over me & speak to me. I hope that wherever you’re escaping too that you be refreshed & rejuvenated. Much love to you sister! XxXxX
Maggie, I can really identify with you lately. It almost feels like, and it seems from the way you’ve described your year, that it’s almost like another awkward transition period of growing up. For me, I seem to always find myself hiding from God. He does always find me, but I always keep hiding. I don’t have answers, I don’t feel like I ever will. But I will pray for you:)
Maybe just let yourself be, enjoy there being no condemnation and being righteous in Christ. Give yourself some space?
It is so much better to be real, even in blogland – really what is the persona you are trying to be? People who follow and adore you – they do that for who you are, changes and everything – that’s who you really want to reach anyway isn’t it? So don’t worry about changing, that’s life and you are living it! Too much worry makes it so you can’t listen very well to the whispers you are trying to hear.
Hi Maggie! I completely understand being silent. I struggle with this same issue a lot. I debate with myself over and over again if I should share something or should I keep it to myself. I think it is hard when you lay it all out on the table and you don’t get the feedback/support you were hoping for. I also think it’s okay if you keep some of your struggles off-line (but I am not saying you have to either. :)) You do not owe it to us, your readers, to share everything. This could be something you continue to work through with your husband, family, and close friends. As you work through this messy thing called life and you feel called to share or want to share go for it. We will continue to love you. I am praying for you and may you hear God and his plans in this journey.
Hey, I’ve been reading your blog for a while and have always been inspired the things you write, so thank you, if you’re not ready to open up yet (or ever) then there is a reason for you feeling like that and you should listen to it, we as your readers will still love you and respect the boundaries that you are setting. I don’t pray but i do meditate and i will hold you in my thoughts as my focus when i meditate on healing and nourishing energy for as long as you need – may you be granted the strength you need to come through what you are going through right now. Namaste
It’s so tricky, isn’t it? i totally get it…sharing can be scary, especially when maybe you don’t even completely understand what is going on yourself and you don’t know WHAT to share. i can tell you from personal experience that i opened up in a big way last spring on my blog about my struggle with anxiety and panic, i went through a tough time and literally thought i was losing my mind–on top of that i experienced true insomnia for the first time, and was getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night an dit just made everything else so much worse. it was so hard…only a couple of “real-life” friends and family could relate but when i shared it on my blog i felt a huge sense of RELIEF and compassion from readers and friends. so many “me too’s” and it really helped a lot. it’s something i never really imagined myself doing, opening up like that, but for me it was the best decision. you have to follow your heart and yes, listen to the whispers, listen closely. i will say a little prayer for you.
Saying a little prayer for you :) I found you through The Fashionable Adventures of Bethie the Boo. I love your story and your blog! I’m now following you :) Sometimes we struggle with taking risks due to fear or lack of confidence. I have to say that your story will inspire many of us to take that first step. I pray that God continues to bless you and your family.
and i just wanted to say,
i thnk that maybe you are more vunerable on here than you realize.
i always feel like you are real, open and honest.
i love that about you.
thats why i keep coming back.
I struggle with opening up–in real life and on my blog, because I don’t like experiencing emotions! It’s easier for me to be in denial and avoid strong emotions by not talking about them. Usually it backfires because I just push everything inside until some day when it all comes up again! I’ve been asking God to help me be more open to emotions, even though it’s uncomfortable.
Even though you may feel unsettled right now, you are seeking God and I know you will find him and you will hear his voice!
I definitely feel not like myself this year. I feel like I’m changing so much, and yet, I’m not sure that I really am changing. It’s all so confusing! So, I think I can relate in some ways. As for opening up, I think it just takes trusting in God to give you the words and taking a step of faith. I have a hard time opening up with people I don’t feel comfortable with, but I will if I feel God is nudging me to do so. I hope you are having a great week! xoxo
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