GRAB A CUP OF MORNING COFFEE, LET’S CHAT! What a busy week we had over here in Gussy land. The #SheReadsTruth team + I had a super exciting video call with YouVersion. We can’t express how amazing this community is :) A few months ago, I’d even go back to earlier this year, I felt a slow but steady shift. {Stops to take a long sip of coffee.} At first I couldn’t place my finger on it, but now that some time has passed + more pieces have been put together I can.
It first started with my business. We closed for a few weeks right after Christmas to prepare for a giant shop re-launch in late-January. Every month this year, while I had some huge goals in mind, has been filled with ups + downs — all things I expected to experience with running a handmade business from home. It has been a great first half of the year with lots of triumphant moments from the things we’ve learned. But then I started noticing the large shift with my personal life. And for the longest time, about 14 months now {but who’s counting?}, I couldn’t even explain what I was feeling. Oh man, it was so hard. Like some days I would just cry, the smallest thing making me feel so sad.
[me + Bauer at the park, a view of our tree-lined street, me + Tracey, family pic!, a gorgeous house we saw while driving, evening wine with my hubby on the front porch]
As we continue our morning coffee chat I slowly tell you about my friend Tracey {she’s up above in the navy polka dot shirt, isn’t she adorable??} and how sweet she is. She’s a really good friend… calling me every couple of weeks to check in. We may live hundreds of miles from each other but we connect every so often. I really appreciate her :)
I’d also tell you about our little family of three: Zack, Bauer + me. See our shadows above? We’re really hoping for the day God blesses us with a baby bump. Yep, that was one of the personal shifts we felt. We have had some hard setbacks these last 14 months and it’s been so painful. Things we wanted for our family were not the same things God wanted for our family. And that my dear friends is why I haven’t felt quite like myself. I tried sharing a bit of my heart here and here; I can’t tell you how many times I tried writing down how I really felt, in the rawest of letters, but I just couldn’t find the words to reflect what I was feeling in my heart. And sometimes I would want to talk about this with others, but then there were times I wanted to talk to no one. It was so weird!
One day I think I’ll share more, but — I’m still not sure. I’ve been thinking of this verse a lot: The lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. — Exodus 14:14
[snippets of my #SheReadsTruth journal, sassy red shoes, babysitting June + Lucy, June’s baptism {I’m her godmother}, video conference call with the #SheReadsTruth team, my new ruffly dress]
So as we continue to sip our morning coffee, it’s now your turn to take some time and share what’s on your heart. And who knows, maybe you know someone who also desperately wants to have a baby bump. Or, maybe you’re the one who wants to have a baby bump. One thing Zack + I have learned over this past year is that God has all things perfectly planned. And regardless of whether we understand His timing right now, we do believe that His timing is perfect, at all times. Wow — it’s definitely taken me a long time to be able to believe that as Truth. Let’s call that progress.
If you have Baby Bump on the heart, let’s pray for each other, OK? With prayer, things can only go up ;)
[watching a movie when i should have been working, flowers from the garden x2, Bauer’s shadow]
So that’s what I have to share :) How about you? What is on your heart this week? Have you ever struggled to write a raw letter but the words couldn’t come through your fingertips? xoxo
[Sharing Instagram photos from the week + linking up with Life Rearranged.]
You are not alone! :-)
ThinkIng of you! I had baby bump fever/envy for 2.5 years. Now I’m reading your blog at the crack of dawn nursing my tiny love. No amount of intervention (and there was a lot) can stop me from knowing that this tiny one is a gift from Him. I had to give up control of this whole process and that was very hard. It’s not goIng to drown you even if it feels like it. I’m in the Mpls area, feel free to contact me:)
Sharing your struggle only helps those who are going through the same thing. Believe me I know. I shared a little of it here: http://itwasbroughtonbylove.blogspot.com/2009/08/hope.html
When I began praying for all the couples who were struggling with infertility (suddenly there were so many I was made aware of) and focused on something besides my own struggle, the Lord answered our prayers in a mighty way.
Love you. Praying for you as you wait on the Lord and trust in His timing. It’s probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. God is faithful.
I feel your pain and struggle. It’s been 13 months since we started praying for a baby bump of our own. Still don’t have that, but I have many, many learned lessons on waiting and trusting God that I know I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. The pain is still there and very raw, but there is beauty in waiting for God’s perfect timing too. Anyway, I completely and totally understand. Prayers sent your way!
@Holly, This is really one of the hardest, longest prayer requests I’ve ever offered up to the Lord. I’m so glad you commented so we can encourage one another. xoxo
Thank you so much for your honesty, Maggie! I have walked that walk and it is not an easy one to take. As you know, we have five kids, but only one is biologically mine (in other words, I have four step-kids). Getting pregnant with Ethan took a LONG time. It was frustrating, but in hindsight it was totally necessary to wait on God’s timing instead of my own.
I’d love to chat with you more about this – let’s plan a coffee date again soon, okay? And this time, considering it’s summer and I can pay my big kids to watch their brother, I won’t bring a screaming, sassy 19-month-old boy with me, so we might actually get a chance to talk! :)
Praying for you, beautiful friend!
Um…you 2 had coffee and I wasn’t with y’all?!? :( Sad day. But really…Maggs – as I know you already know – Kami is the REAL deal! Sister-in-Christ and LOVES each person in her life just the way God has instructed us to love others. What JOY it brings my heart to know that you two have gotten together! *such a small world*
Annnnd…in answer to your question about “ever struggled to write a raw letter” – YES!!! Too many times. At that point again, actually, and it always seems to come back to the very SAME thing we discussed while sitting together at WOF. I just can’t bring myself to think about it for very long because the emotions come flooding over me like a wall. And I don’t like that feeling. Kami knows all about the desire in my heart as well and what I’ve been praying for (for SO very long).
I still just want to come curl up on your couch, coffee in hand of course, and just talk. For hours, friend!!
Praying right alongside you, but also FOR you – just as I have been. :) You have been such a special gift in my life and I’m so very thankful for that!
Lots of love and BIG hugs!!
xoxo
@Jesslyn42, I love you, sweet friend! I’m praying for you often – let’s chat soon … and get together soon, too – it’s been WAY too long!! Hugs! :)
You may have already considered this and perhaps gone down this road, but don’t I would encourage you to seek some medical advice. Not to necessarily go down the road of injections and all of that stuff (not that there is anything wrong with that). Prayers for you! I am praying for a life partner, meeting a boy friend much less a husband has been difficult for me. Finding the love of your life is another elusive gift that no one should take for granted!
@Emily,
Lots of typos above. Geez. I meant…. “I would encourage you to see some medical advice.”
I don’t have answers, just silent prayers + words of love.
I’m so honored + blessed to be walking through life with you, friend.
And yes, He WILL fight for you. He already is.
K
@Kacia, ♥
We, too, are just starting the “baby bump” process–along with it has come fears of what-if’s…
I realize mentally that I need to give all the control to God, but sometimes it’s so hard to let Him take the fears and the hopes. I’ll definitely be praying for you :)
Oh, friend – I know the hurt of waiting for that bump. I pray your wait won’t be much longer. xoxo
Oh, Maggie, I’m right there with you! And wanting another baby doesn’t get any easier when you are trying for your second! I miscarried earlier this year, and I still don’t think my heart has healed from having that little one taken from me so soon. I know the Lord has a plan, and I can see His hand in the “details” but it still hurts. I love the perspective from Southern Gal above – I’ll be praying for you daily. God is faithful. Thank you for sharing your heart! I think if we did meet for coffee in person, it would get a bit watered down from the tears! :)
@Elisabeth, Oh I have no doubt :) This has really been the hardest, saddest thing for us. Having a doctor throw words like “infertility” around makes me want to vomit. It’s intense. I’m 26, I didn’t know that would could be in my vocabulary.
And I’m so sorry you’re familiar with this, too. Prayers prayers!
@Gussy Sews, Praying right now for both of you. And Maggie, just a side note on my comment above. I struggled with what my doctor labeled infertility. 4 years of no preventative measures and 6+ months of active fertility treatments later. I found a new doctor, we needed a fresh perspective. My new doctor- shared my faith and that made all the difference in the world. Is it too personal to ask if your OB is a Christian? Also, have you reached out to Kelly Stamps (kelly’s korner blog) I know she struggled with this for a long time before they were blessed with little Harper.
@Sarah, I’m not sure if she is. We’ve looked into the costs of treatment options and feel they aren’t things we can afford at this time. Maybe God wants us to have more patience? I know He has something great planned… We just aren’t sure if treatment options are what He wants…
Sweet Maggie, I know the ache of your heart. I’ve been there too. So many of us have, right? I also know that knowing others have been through this does not lessen the longing- and it definitely doesn’t make it easier when you see more and more women every day with a sweet little bump/bundle. But I applaud you for your transparency, and your reliance on God. “We do believe His timing is perfect, at all times.” Lady, that is what it’s all about. It’s tough to see the waiting as a blessing. Just try to remember- God’s “not nows” are not “no’s”- he’s just preparing your heart for something greater than you could ever imagine.
@Sarah, It takes so much courage for me to be sharing this. Four years ago I didn’t know this would become a topic on my blog. But God did. Right?! Thank you for your comment Sarah… you are so sweet :)
I will be praying for you, dear friend. <3
We’re about to enter year 8 of praying for that baby bump. The first 4 years were the absolute hardest… but God took so much of that acute pain away and replaced my longing and my dreams with His… and His are far better than anything I could have ever hoped for or imagined. My little (almost 2 yr old) boy is watching 101 dalmations while drinking his sippy of milk. He’s been home from Ethiopia for 1 1/2 years. Across the ocean our little 6 week old girl is waiting for us to come get her — any day now we’ll know when we can board that plane. The other morning we (my husband, son, and I) were pulling into the parking lot of panera for brunch. We went to get our boy out of the car seat and he was holding a picture of his little sister and saying “baybeee”. I started crying and my heart was so full of gratitude and all I could think was, “God has been so good to us.” I wish I knew back when infertility hurt so bad what I know now… that God’s in the business of writing beautiful stories and He never forgot me for a moment. The stories aren’t absent of pain or heartache… but they contain more joy and beauty than anything I could ever come up with on my own.
I’m so sorry for your hurt and ache — I know exactly how you feel. I’ll be praying!!!!
@lauren, this is such a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing your hope! Praying for your trip when you meet your daughter <3
That’s heartbreaking :( Praying for you today, Maggie. And I very highly recommend the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility”. It’s got a boat load of information on how to understand your body so you can figure out what’s going on. It’s perfect for trying to time things for a baby, and for avoiding. I’m a very fertile woman, and so far I’ve been able to successfully get pregnant AND avoid getting pregnant over the last 8 years using the knowledge I gained from the book.
Once again your courageous honesty is inspiring. I love you & I’m praying.
@caroline, (hugs) and I can’t wait to see you in July!
Prayers of strength, courage and peace for you!!! (((HUGS)))
Oh Maggie. Your transparency is such a gift to us and to the Lord. Thank you for sharing this precious part of your heart. I definitely don’t always understand how God works but I am learning to trust that He is good in every circumstance. I trust his kindness toward you, too, and I will be praying for you, friend! Praying today is a day of feeling his overwhelming love and peace. Hearts your way–
@Ann Swindell, Really I’m standing here with my knees clanging together. Where is my courage…? :)
Thank you for sharing this! I’m supposed to have a big ‘ol baby bump right now, but 11 weeks along it decided to disappear. We’ve been trying since to get another bump, but so far it hasn’t happened. I feel your pain and struggle for sure, and will be praying right along next to you.
@Patty, Oh Patty!!!! Praying there is a woman here in the comments that can connect with you. We’re all in different stages of this journey but I do believe we’re in it together ♥.
My heart goes out to you! Prayers being sent your way…my heart today is heavy because we are away from home with the waldo canyon fire threatening it. Sometimes we can hurt for wanting something so badly and sometimes we can hurt because of fear but my God shall supply for all your needs. And on those bad days where you start feeling sad for what you think is no reason at all, He understands and He is still faithful to complete every good work in you. It is hard when our plan for our life is different than His but always remember the joy you have in your salvation. LORD, You give and take away, but blessed be Your name. Blessings Maggie!
Opening your heart up like that is hard to do and I admire your courage to do so! Sending lots of prayers in your direction! :)
Sweetie I just want to give you a big giant hug. You are SO not alone. I have two good friends who have struggled with this very thing for the last two years, one of whom is now adopting and the other’s baby will be one next week after arriving at only 23 weeks. And I know after walking through this process with both of them, sometimes there just aren’t words. So I can only offer a hug and some prayers.
As for myself – we’ve slowly begun the baby bump process, but it’s not terribly likely for me either. And I feel God calling me to a different type of motherhood experience, to travel across the ocean to get my baby – and it scares me and I don’t know how it will all work – but I’m listening to Him and trying to figure it all out slowly. One day at a time.
God has a plan for us both sweet Gussy. It might be hard to see it now, but He has a plan.
you know i’m praying for that little bump! i promise!!!!
love you!
I know that feeling, Maggie. My daughter, Maggie Grace, seemed to turn into a “baby bump” the minute I thought of getting pregnant. My sweet Cooper, well….not so easy. Andy (my hubby) and I went through many emotions, to many dr. appts, and sent up zillions of prayers. But just because we were ready to give Maggie Grace a sibling, didn’t mean God was ready. It’s all about HIS plan, not ours. A bit of medical intervention was needed (my tubes were blocked by scar tissue from a surgery a while back) and after it was corrected, I became pregnant with my sweet boy, Cooper. Even though I had to have a small surgery to correct the issue, God Controls Everything. I wish you the best wishes, sending you many happy thoughts, and praying for your prayers to be answered.
@Angela Grishow, You picked three beautiful words to capitalize… :) thank you for sharing them.
I’ve just found out there’s a baby bump in my close future, and I’m scared. And a little out of sorts with the loss of my Grand Plan. God’s ways sometimes seem like straight crazy. <3
My heart and prayers go out to you. Although I am 15 years removed from the start of my struggle to have a baby, the gnawing still exists. Funny, I just searched my own blog using the term “infertility” and this was the first post that came up: http://tracykuethe.blogspot.com/2007/07/i-could-write-book.html
I know this, do not give up. If you read my post you will see that ultimately I do have two wonderful girls but the path was paved with heartache and loss. Every bit of that was worth it. And I have the gift to never, EVER question how strong I am because I know it to be true. Women are tough creatures. You will find a way to motherhood!
That’s my favorite verse :)
Sending prayers for you. I actually have a Lisa Leonard necklace with the words “be still” as a reminder of that Exodus verse. It’s a great reminder.
God has a plan for you. XOXO.
Hey Gussy! So touched by this very open and honest post. Also, we can relate. We have been desiring the same things as you for three years. It has been a hard road with some difficult losses, but we are trusting God each and everyday, knowing that when the time is right, he will bless out twosome wiling make it a threesome:) you and your husband will be in our fervent prayers. Best advice I could give would be to stay positIve, think positive, confess positive. Easier said then done:) And trust in Him as I know you are already doing!! Thanks again for the honesty! Much love and prayers to you:)
@Charity, thank you… :)
We’ve been trying for baby bump #4 for almost 4 years. We thought we were getting our prayers answered in the fall of 2010, but it was not meant to be. It’s hard and frustrating and depressing all in one, but I am thankful everyday for hope. We have been blessed abundantly with our three monkeys, but my heart doesn’t feel like our family is quite complete. My prayers for you to see that baby bump soon, being a mama is amazing and you will be an amazing mama!
I’m always so sad to hear when someone is struggling with these issues. I totally understand that some days you want to talk about it and some days you don’t. I definitely lean more to talking and usually sharing too much information…but I get it. I struggled with the same desire for 10 years. I’ve been through MANY tests and procedures, failed and stalled adoption attempts, ectopic pregnancy, emergency surgeries and six rounds of IVF. But, I can tell you that there is hope…I now have a beautiful family with a 3 year old boy and a 6 month old girl that have blessed my life more than I can explain. I really do feel that God has a plan and he gave me these kids at this time for a specific reason. I’d be happy to provide you with some unconventional suggestions when you’re ready. I think alterations in my diet and lifestyle made the biggest difference for me…but I also remember hating that type of advice from others. Feel free to peruse my blog or send me an email if you would like some suggestions. I love reading about you…you are an amazing, inspiring woman. God will bless you abundantly!!
This is a “Christmas” post but includes the words from a song that were very comforting to me…http://www.jthoma.blogspot.com/2008/12/when-dream-never-dies.html.
@Jennifer, We know what the setback is, it’s a medical hindrance and we’re waiting for more direction on what to do next. We just don’t feel like we can move forward with any type of treatment option at this time. Diet + lifestyle won’t do much to change it, but prayer + patience will :) xoxo
@Gussy Sews, Hi Maggie… I read your whisper in another comment, and wanted to offer you hope. Diet CAN make a difference in PCOS. Let me find the blog I’m thinking of…. http://nourishedkitchen.com/my-story-recovery-from-celiac-disease-pcos-and-autoimmune-thyroid-disease/
As well as this blog: http://www.naturallyknockedup.com/tag/pcos/
Doctors, including fertility Doctors, don’t usually have training in how diet can effect fertility.
I’m so sorry that you are bearing this burden. I’ll pray for you – for patience, and that God will send you a sweet little one soon!
Hi Gus,
You are brave, and wonderful. And no, you are not alone. That’s what makes community so fulfilling, we are all here for each other. I’m sitting here drinking coffee and thinking of you. Hoping that you get the baby bump that would bless your lives forever. You and Zack will be great parents. Like you said, God has a plan. It’s hard to understand it sometimes, but he has it all figured out. He just wants us to stop and realize that. Take care, xo
Oh Maggie, my heart is so heavy for you. We tried for two years to get pregnant, with 7 unsuccessful IUI procedures. Finally, we put all of our hope into an IVF and even moved to Chicago for a month to be a part of a study, which was the only way we could afford it. We got pregnant with twins, and then lost one and had a very difficult pregnancy trying to hold on to the other. Today, our daughter Lila is 2 and a half years old and I thank God every day for her.
We are now waiting to hear back on our third IVF procedure since my daughter, trying for another child. It is a long heart-searching, hope seeking journey. But when God finally blesses you with a child (and he WILL, in his own time and way) it will be worth every tear. If you ever want to talk or ask questions about procedures, etc., send me an email at toomuchgood@gmail.com
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit ~Romans 15:13
My heart goes out to you Gussy, and thank you for sharing. I’m also 26 and my husband and I have been praying for our bump for about a year and a half. We’ve lost three little heart beats which has been so hard. It’s hard to talk about because it seems like no one does – but know that you’re not alone. I’ll send up prayers that you find strength and peace on your journey.
@Sarah, Oh gosh, yes. It is such a sensitive topic. For months after we were first married I was so frustrated with all the “when will you have a baby?” questions. I kept telling Zack, “why do people ask us that? what if we are having trouble having a baby, then what???” And at the time we weren’t trying, and we didn’t think we were having trouble. But about 3 years later I found us in that exact situation and I felt so much sadness. Like, a deep sadness that no one could possibly understand. It’s totally the devil making me feel that way. Those types of feelings don’t come from the Lord. Any time I’ve had some courage to share more I’ve felt such a peace about our situation. But it’s taken some serious, serious courage (and prayer) to get to this point. Anyway :) I’m so glad you commented… I’ll be praying for you Sarah!!! xoxoxoxo
@Gussy Sews, Thank you Maggie! I also wanted to tell you I started the “Living the Surrendered Life” plan for She Reads Truth and it has helped me so much these past 10 days. I’ve felt more at peace with God’s plan for me and I’ve been able to share my heart with Him in a way I haven’t before. Thank you for being a part that program and sharing it with your readers!
I will hold you and Zach in my prayers. Like so many previous posters, I know all too well first hand the pain infertility can cause. We started trying when I was 27, never in a million years anticipating any problem what so ever. It was a long, hard fought battle for 3 entire years before we were finally blessed with our little ones. We tried on our own, did medicated cycles with Clomid, met with a reproductive endocrinologist and did one iui before moving on to ivf. We had 1 ivf with a total of 5 embryo transfers (a month on birth control to shut down, then a medicated month, lather rinse repeat)and it never worked. The RE was giving us one more cycle and then suggested we look into a gestational carrier or surrogate. We went and got a second opinion! This was a huge leap of faith as treatments were going to be much harder to manage distance-wise while working. But we did it. Despite having more frozen embryos, we did our second ivf, put two embryos in, and they both took. It was not an easy pregnancy. My twins were premature and needed NICU time, my little guy a full month and he still came home on an apnea monitor and with oxygen support, but my princess needed just a couple of weeks. All that matters is that they’re here and healthy! It’s such a personal, private struggle that so many people can not even begin to understand unless they’ve walked the path. Please know you are not alone! I’m sure you have a huge support system, but if you need to expand that circle, just holler! You can never have too many advocates on your side, and having women with the same knowledge base regarding treatments helped me soooo much!!!
I’m sitting at my Dad’s kitchen table right now listening to children’s worship and feeding my favorite 10 month old his Cheerios, but he isn’t my son, he is my brother. I was in a relationship for years, I’m 25. I thought my time for marriage and family was approaching. However the person I thought I would be doing those things with had a baby with someone else and got married without telling me. The enemy whispers that my Lord has forgotten to make a place for me, that because I am not married and have no children, my very existence is insignificant. I’m so thankful I serve a God who knows my pain and the desires of my heart and I am learning to trust in his timing and crave His plan for my life. Our God is good and faithful, he loves us. I am praying for you!
@Nichole, this is beautiful. thank you for this.
@Nichole, For a long time I felt like not having a baby meant I didn’t fit in. Which I think is easy to feel when you have a Baby Bump on the heart. But it’s not true… not at all. Not having a baby right now, not having a baby the last four years of marriage, means Zack + I have been able to do things that others can’t. We’ve traveled, we’ve lived in 2 states, 4 different homes, since getting married. We have a family business that lets me work from home. I could go on and on and on :)
And the same for those with children. Every marriage + person has “a perfect life”. But having a perfect life doesn’t mean it’s the same as everyone else. Perfect can mean unique, too. That I’ve learned :)
My heart is breaking for you right now. I am sipping coffee nearly in tears. I will be sending lots of love, prayer, and good vibes to you are your family!
@Corinne, No — don’t cry for me :) Because then I will cry!!!!!! You know a bit of our relationship, we’ve been together for a long time (ha!) and so I have a lot of hope that the Lord will answer our prayers. I mean, Zack is just too cute to not have a little baby in his arms ;D
You really know how to get the tears flowing around here, girl. If we were all gathered in a living room together, there’d be boxes and boxes of Kleenex being passed around right now. So many of us know that hurt, so many of us have awesome testimonies to share about God giving them the desires of their heart, and many are still waiting/hoping for their miracle to happen. All you can do is stand firm in the Word and hold tight to God’s promises. We, as Believers, are praying for you, your heart, and your story. God is writing your story, and I believe there’s a baby in there, no matter how it gets to your arms, you are going to have your miracle baby.
I hope shared testimonies lift you up and not bring you down. I nannied for a family that waited 5 years to have a baby. Through intervention, they were finally blessed with their first baby boy. That was 3 years ago, and just last night, they called to tell me they are welcoming twins into the world this winter. God is faithful, Maggie. He knows the desires of your heart.
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
@moriah sunde, Ummm, I was feeling like I had myself under control until I read the last part of your comment. That is one of my favorite verses. Like, my very favorite verses.
See? God has His hand in this… :)
@Gussy Sews, Amen. :)
Maggie, you have me in big sympathetic crocodile tears over here this morning. We, too, were facing the seemingly impossible word “infirtility” at 25-26 years old. It was a huge struggle and I know how lonely the struggle can be. I’m praying for you and Zach and your families this morning, hoping you find peace and patience in this difficult time.
Remember that that “I” word is not a death sentence, though it feels like it some days.
Thank you for baring your heart and sharing such a personal and difficult struggle. God bless. {hugs}
You are not alone at all. My husband and I have been wishin’ and hopin’ for a bump since September. Every month I think, “this is it!” and every month I am let down. I do believe that there is a time for everything & there are reasons that it has not happened for us yet. I know God gives us only what we can handle and maybe He believes we are not quite at the point of readiness.
My friends and family recently had baby boom 2011/2012 and while I was overwhelmingly excited for each and every one of them, I couldn’t help but feel a little tinge of sadness for us. Holding their babies in my arms felt so *right*. The hardest part, seeing my handsome husband with a little one all wrapped up in his hug… takes my breath away. It’s hard not to feel discouraged or a bit angry even.
We are going to give it a few more months of “trying” and then we are going to seek our doctor’s help! Much like you, the word INFERTILITY might as well be a 4-letter word. I have 2 step-children so I guess I I can’t help but think, I know he is physically able, so it HAS to be me. Only my doctor can help me work through that. I am {newly…lol} 31 and my husband is 39, I get so nervous that our window is passing. I’ll be thinking about you & I hope that some day soon… your wishes come true!
Lu
One way that God communicates with us is through our circumstances. I’m about10 years into the yearning of having a child of my own. Countless fertility treatments with no results other than a broken heart. God has taught me a lot along the way and I’ve come to accept the fact that it may not be God’s will for us to have a baby. But I do believe He does have great things in store for us. My heart goes out to you.
Hi Maggie,
Thank you for sharing your heart…I am inspired by your openness and your trust in God’s love and timing. I have had a baby bump on my heart for over 10 years (i’m almost 35) and holding onto the trust and faith that God will fulfill what He has placed in my heart is often a struggle for me. It’s strange to say because I know that there are so many women who go through this, but sometimes the passing years have left me feeling like I’m the only one out here still on the waiting list. I am thankful that God has helped me find ‘shereadstruth’ and your page – I needed to reconnect with Him again and learn that He still has a beautiful plan for me. I am sending you lots of love, happy thoughts, hope and peace…and many wishes for blessings {baby bump and others} to come into your life. I’ll be praying with you and for you…xx
I felt the same way, and in the end the treatments got us no where but frustrated. And like someone posted earlier, I’m sure your support system is big, but if you want to widen that circle a little. I’d love to pray with you through this time.
oh, Maggie, thank you for sharing your heart. I’m right there with you. I got pregnant as soon as I got married with our first and now trying for our second… Has taking a year and a half and counting. It’s so hard, this waiting. Its hard telling myself God has a bigger plan for me and I do trust Him — It just doesn’t make it easier. Praying for you. He is faithful!
Thank you for sharing. I am also praying for a baby bump. We’ve had a rough 3 years since we lost our baby boy at 32 weeks. I’ve had 2 miscarriages since and have been told that I have a very slight chance of ever getting pregnant again. It’s so easy to get frustrated and upset but I know God has a plan for our life and I just need to remind myself to be patient (which is something I’m not good at). Hugs to you. I will be praying for your baby bump and that it will happen soon!
Oh Maggie… I’m so glad you shared your heart. I have walked that painful road, and I hate hearing that someone else is experiencing it too. It is a club that I wish would not accept new members! I’ve been praying for you, because a little birdy told me that you were going thru this. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I am putting together a conference for women experiencing infertility and or desiring to adopt. I’ll send you some info. Love and kisses to you!
Hoping for a baby bump of my own! Understanding where you’re coming from. For now, trying to fulfill my duties as a wife to my hubby and mom to two dogs (they’re training me to be a mom to a human someday).
Thanks for opening up. I’m new here and enjoy reading your blog.
I need to be still as well.
I’m glad we have Jesus – these daily new mercies and dumpings of grace upon grace make the nights filled with fist clenched prayers seem purposeful.
It must be hard to have to be patient for a cute little baby!!!! but just keep your head up and keep trying… I wish you guys the best!!!
@Joni LeBaron, It is, I mean, my husband is REALLY CUTE, he needs a baby in his arms :)
Reading things like this always makes my heart ache.
I hope this doesn’t sound insensitive because that is totally not how I mean it to sound at all. But I have a son and a daughter on the way and I can’t imagine life without them. I say this because I can’t even imagine how a woman could deal with not being able to have babies… I can’t imagine how hard that must be and it really makes my heart break, makes me want to weep for those women!
God does fight for you! He also knows the desires you have in your heart! He knows you want a baby and I think there are plans in that… maybe not the plans that are wanted, but they are there. God will comfort your heart!
Prayers and hugs!
I spent 6 years of my life struggling to become pregnant. We did everything. After all the failed IVF cycles and a pretty damaged relationship, we took a break from IF. 6 months later we decided to start the adoption process. 5 weeks after our homestudy was complete, we got The Call. 7 weeks later we were parents.
I am convinced that my son was the child we were always meant to parent. While we did learn so much about ourselves during the struggle, we now realize that this was the path that was always intended for us.
This is just beautiful. I’ve been struggling with the baby bump issue too! It’s so hard to understand Gods timing, but in hindsight it always makes sense. Gods timing is perfect.
Oh, I know exactly what you’re feeling. We’ve been going through the same time of waiting but the one thing that God has shown us is that His plan is wonderful and the He has it under control. In his time. I’ll be praying for you!
oh my word that just broke my heart. God bless your sweet family! your response was so well put!
@Taci,
my comment was to Lauren- I did this wrong oops!!
I am watching my sister and my best friend go thru infertility while expecting our #3. I was not sure we’d be blessed again and had a loss between my first two. When we found out I was pregnant I was so sad (and even felt guilty) for all the mommy’s who were trying and going to such lengths to have a baby when we were able to. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense but then again, who am I? I don’t know what else to say but I will pray for you all !
Sweet corageous Maggie,
My heart hurts for you and I am praying for you. I was never supposed to live past my 10th birthday, let alone ever become a mother. Our magnificent Sookie is 29 months and 1 of about 10 in the world. God has the almighty power to break the rules and deliver miracles. I want to give you a big bear hug and erase your hurt! Your strength in sharing this is overwhelmingly inspiring. Much love & light & many prayers your way.
Gussy, I know how hard it was for me. We were married 8 years before I had my 1st daughter…I was 30 yo and had my 2nd daughter when I was 33. I never thought I’d get pregnant because I suffer from PCOS. I know it will be in God’s time that you feel that baby bump and it will be such a miraculous feeling. Praying for you and God’s time.
Hugs, Diana
@Diana, (whispers) that’s what I have, too.
@Gussy Sews,
it’s what I have as well. It’s been 18 months now for me. I’m making lifestyle changes that have helped already. I’m doing my best to pray and trust God with this. And I’m praying for you, too, Maggie!
I’m right there with you and the PCOS… I got pregnant with my son after being on metformin for about 3 weeks, and everything went great, so I thought I wasn’t terribly broken. Then, we had two devastating losses last year as we were trying for #2. (Coincidentally, over the last just-over 14 months.) It’s HARD. And you feel cheated out of the happy-go-lucky, worry-free pregnancies that other women seem to have. But I know that God has a time for me in mind, and he also has plans for you, and everyone else going through the same thing. I’m so grateful for the modern medicine we have that has produced medications such as metformin and progesterone that someone like me needs for the healthy pregnancy!
@Lori @ EclecticMamma,
We’re all Soul Cysters – I have it too.
@Beth,
fellow PCOS-er here, too… never in a million did I imagine any issues ttc
@Gussy Sews,
also fellow PCOS-er it took me 18 months, and i got pregnant!! I am 13 weeks!! I unofrtunately with the wacky hormones am heavier than I have ever been, but am oh so thankful to finally be expecting!! Gussy, and all others that read this, for me what worked is juicing in the morning 4 times a week ( I felt God leading me to eating more natural foods and He brought someone into my life to teach me about juicing) 5 months later I was pregnant! I juiced mainly carrots, zuccini, banana and strawberries, with adding kiwi, pineapple, orange, apple, things like that to spice it up but my 4 staples were carrots, strawberries, zuccini, and a banana.
I don’t know why it worked, but I have always felt lead to natural and God placed it right on my heart.
I hope if you try it, that it works for you! I have known 3 other ladies (one with cervical cancer) that juiced and cured her cancer (she went further than juicing she went 95% vegan and 80% raw all natural. and we all got pregnant.
hope I don’t sound like a crazy and hopefully my sharing what my story is will help others.
i am praying for you Gussy, but I know it will happen for you!
Praying that this will be the year of the bump for you sweet friend.
So proud of you for sharing your heart.
Love you
Oh Gussy, you are so brave to share what’s real and true to you right now! I’ve been reading your blog for a long time now, but this is my first time commenting. Your posts are so encouraging and inspiring to me because of your transparency and heart for the Lord. What beautiful comments and support from this post alone! Praying for you as the Lord holds you close and reveals His plans. Bless you!!
@Sam, thank you Sam :)
oh maggie, thanks for sharing. we are in the same place and it. is. hard! some days i can trust faithfully in God’s timing and rejoice that He knows so much better than we do. other days, the ones where i look around our church and realize we are actually the only couple without kids, those days are harder on my heart and i lose sight of the truth. thank you for reminding me that we’re not the only couple in the world feeling this way :) and that God really does have all things perfectly planned!
I had the same problem and one day mey hubby and i said, ” You know what? Just the two of us isn’t so bad. ” I mean we had really given up not that we were really trying to get pregnant, but after being married for seven years you would have thought that something would have happened. We had close moments , got excited , but negative results on the pregnancy tet. But at the moment when gave up and started to plan for the two of us, guess what……we were pregnant and did not know it. It had to happen in God’s time .
Oh dear–
God’s timing is so hard for us to understand sometimes! But if He always let us in on His plans for us, what fun would that be?! I so totally understand you, with all my heart.. Here lately, when “that time of the month” comes around, I get so disappointed– ’cause it means that there’s not a baby. We aren’t necessarily trying (we know it would put us in a bit of a financial bind… but when wouldn’t it, right?!), but if it were to happen right now, we would thrilled beyond belief! It hurts my heart that I don’t have a child, yet– but I know His plan is greater. I know it WILL happen, & I know He will make it happen when it’s time. It’s just sooooo hard to wait… :)
Our times will come! xox
@Bre, When my “time of the month” comes around, I allow myself to binge on energy drinks and chocolate. It helps :-p
What an amazing verse! We stood on that over my daughter when she needed healing and the Lord truly fought for us. Praying for you!
Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing this! I’m so thankful the Lord hears our prayers!
Beautiful girl. I wrote this when we were in the thick of it and I still OFTEN have to go back and read it.
http://theseprices.net/2010/05/disappointment-waiting/
Praying for you.
I know exactly how you feel as my husband and I are at the same crossroads in our life. With our fertility and health struggles I pray that one day I will find what he has planned for us and although it sits heavy in my heart, I know I am blessed with all those I have around me and I try to give them the best of me. It saddens me that people that have so much live to give sometimes cannot easily have what others do. I’ll be praying for you and your family and hope that you continue to smile when you are happy and know that it’s okay to be sad when having those moments. He is listening!
@Kristina, Thank you for every single word you wrote. You said it so perfectly and it is so comforting to have someone say “it’s okay to be sad”, even though I know in my heart that’s true. Affirmation in that area is so comforting.
Oh Gussy…so thankful for your heart-sharing. I’ll be praying for you, dear friend. God’s plans are so much more amazing than our own, even when it’s super hard!
I too have Baby Bump on the heart. I have for almost 2 years….with sadly 5 miscarriages. I am thankful for my daughter and am hopefully optimistic that she will one day have a brother or sister. Take care and good luck.
@Candice, Oh Candice, I’m praying for you, too!
my heart is heavy for you, Maggie! I will pray that God gives you a heart of peace as you trust in His perfect timing. I also want to say how brave you are for beginning the conversation about your difficulty to conceive. I have been amazed by the community online to help support women like yourself. They struggle with all different types of infertility issues but the way they rally around each other is amazing. You are entering into that community and I can promise you will be supported and loved on (clearly!! look at all these comments!!). Waiting on the Lord is never easy. but as I’ve read your blog over the last couple months, you do it beautifully. You struggle and ask questions but you never doubt God’s goodness in yours and Zach’s life. He will honor your faithfulness. :)
Oh sweet, sweet Maggie! Thank you for sharing your heart. I understand the ups and downs of both infertility and the bumpy road of adoption. I share a lot of my heart on our adoption blog {heretothereadventure.wordpress.com} and I’m sending hugs and love to you in prayer right now!
Oh I will be praying for you. I went through something similar, longing for a baby for a Couple years before we started trying only to have it take 14 months to conceive. It was HARD especially as all our friends were having Abbie’s and getting pregnant with no troubles. Looking back I see God. I see it was all his timing and He was teaching me that His plan is perfect and so much better than what I could have planned for myself. I see that I trust him so muc more now. Our son is 18 months and perfect. I feel that longing for another baby now but I do not feel God is giving us the go ahead. We have things in our life right now that god wants us to deal with before we take this step Again. I will be praying for you and your family and your heart. Because it is hard on your heat even when you know it’s Gods plan. Hugs! :)
Hello! This was so uplifting to me. Your not the only one going through all the emotions, up and down, of wanting the baby bump. My husband and I have been trying for 3 years getting bad news after bad news. Finally God has led us to IVF. It is very scary but hopefully in october I wil be told that I will soon have a growing baby bump. God has plans and it’s so hard to have patience. I will be praying for you and hope for nothing but the best. Baby dust to you!
Thanks for sharing your story. My heart and prayers go out to you.
Thank you for sharing your heart today. Sometimes waiting can be oh so difficult. I’ll pray for you, if you pray the same for me!
While I have to say I have never experienced what it is to have to wait for for a baby…as I have two gorgeous kiddos…12 and soon to be 11. I will say that I do know what it is to want something so badly and yet have it not come to pass…and realize that Gods plans and our plans aren’t always the same…and this is gonna be raw. Last year losing my dad to kidney/liver failure was the hardest thing ever. He and I were so very close. I can say that I was a true daddy’s girl. He was the first man that I ever told I loved and we talked about everything and rarely did a day go by that he and I didn’t talk or see each other. My dad was and always will be my hero. So in 2005 I talked him into going to S.F with me to get him into the liver transplant program…his only hope of surviving long term w/his disease…we set off onto a journey together. That was back in 2005…and for the past 5 years all seemed to go pretty well…we were able to get his diabetes and blood pressure etc all under control. His liver was slowly getting worse but I encouraged him to keep going because one day he’d have a new liver and be like new again. So when all seemed to be going pretty good…in January of 2011 we noticed a change in his liver tests and that began a year of all sorts of efforts to save my dad’s life. I prayed over the years but have to say that last year I never prayed so much as I did on his behalf. His faith was amazing…he said up until his last breath that God could still come through and heal him…he knew he was going to be healed. And I too believed it as well. I just knew that we were going to have this Ahhh mazing testimony to dads healing and get a new liver for him. But instead dad spent days in and out of hospitals…being poked and prodded with blood tests and ultra sounds, xrays, all the while swelling to the point of his legs and body looking unrecognizable and in a lot of pain all the while. And yet he was amazing at how well he handled it all. So in the second week of June we got the call that he was going to be transferred finally to S.F so that there team could work on him and see if he was still able to receive a liver transplant. My dad and I left to S.F in an ambulance about 8:00pm that night and got into San francisco early that morning about midnight. It was a whirl wind feeling I can’t explain coming from a small little country town and finding yourself in a huge hospital in what seemed like an enormous city compared to our small little town. He was immediately taken care of. As I waited the next day for my mom to come up to S.F hospital it was just me and my dad when the Head doctor came in and explained to me that my dads kidneys were now failing as well…and that he would not only need a liver transplant, he’d need a kidney transplant as well. And that he was far too weak to ever survive one surgery let alone two. He said that my dad had 3-5 days at the most to live before his body gave out. I felt like I had been hit in the stomach and couldn’t breathe…I honestly don’t remember anything the doctor said after that. I just remember nodding and saying ok thank you. My dad did not speak English he only spoke Spanish so I had to interpret what the doctor had said. How do you tell someone you love so very much that they are going to die soon??? How do I tell the man that once was my protector…who always was so strong and tough that his disease had finally taken a toll on his body and although he was very much with it mentally his body was worn out. He never looked at me as I was sobbing at this point…he just asked, bad news hugh?? Yeah I said…really bad news. I began to tell him what the doctor said and that I was sorry. I had failed him…I had gotten his hopes up and thought I could somehow save him and yet in the end I couldn’t save him. He said very matter of factly that God still could. I realized at that moment that I had never been in control…that San Francisco was never the answer…the doctors, specialists, even the organs…it had been God all along that was in control. That through the course of that year God had in fact been speaking to me but I wouldn’t listen. That he had been preparing me for a day I didn’t want to come. And that God had a different plan for my dads life. As hard as it was I watched my dad struggle for 3 days after we left S.F and headed back home. My dad struggled to stay with his family, not wanting to sleep…for three days I watched him suffer in so much pain from both liver and kidney failure…the doctors said that one of those is painful in itself but both was excruciating pain. I prayed to God that if a cure was not to be then to take daddy and end his suffering so that he could rest. I left the hospital to go home and rest as I had been up for days not wanting to leave my dad. I received a call as soon as I walked into my in laws house to meet my kids and hubby to get back to the hospital something was wrong. When I arrived my mom was weeping and said daddy had passed…he simply fell asleep peacefully. It has been a year since that 26th day of June and I have not been able to put or write down how I truly felt until now…I believe Gods plan though I don’t always understand it is indeed perfect. What we wanted most was for my dad to be healed…and he is completely healed in Heaven above, I imagine him finally being able to run and be free from the confines of his earthly body…healing came indeed it’s just not how we expected healing to come.
Saira
Saira
I started reading your blog a few weeks ago, but this is my first time commenting. But I had to just let you know that you are on my mind and in my prayers today. My husband and I have also been waiting for a “baby bump” for over two years now. I had some health problems that were making things difficult. But then we worked through those and solved them, and there is still no baby bump, so I just have to let go and trust that God’s timing is perfect, as you said! Yes, there are days when I feel hopeless and just can’t stop crying. But there are also days when God’s hope shines through everything else, and I know He’s carrying me through these hard days. During this process, I decided to go back to school and seek a degree in speech-language pathology. Every step of the way, the road has been paved before me by the Lord, and I feel like it should have been a really difficult and impossible journey (much harder than getting pregnant!) to get into this competitive program, but it’s been totally a breeze because I know I am where God wants me to be. As much as I’d rather be having a baby than getting this degree, it just shows me that God has a plan, and it’s so much better than my own! I know his timing is perfect. Praying for comfort and hope for you today, and that He will use your story to touch so many others! I mean, He’s kind of already doing that, so that’s pretty awesome! God bless :-)
I’m so sorry that y’all are carrying this cross. I pray that your heart’s desires and God’s desires for you will be the same one day. I’m sure the couples that are also struggling with this appreciate you sharing your struggles.
maggie i just love you!
you are so brave for sharing your heart. it’s scary at first! but then so, so liberating. :) you are NOT ALONE! this stuff is painful, and sad, and frustrating, and it just downright sucks. and if you’re anything like me, alllll my friends are fertile myrtles and were popping out babies left and right! haha! anyways, our story goes a little something like this: after 1.5 years of “trying” we had a full fertility workup, which showed IVF to be our best option. like you, NOT expected at age 26!!! what happened with us is not necessarily what happens with everyone, but we felt strongly that if we were talking about spending $10,000+++ on fertility treatments, we would much rather put that money towards adoption! our goal was to become parents, after all! right now we’re in the waiting stage of domestic infant adoption and feel 100% peace being right where we are. our desires truly changed, almost overnight – we no longer desired to be pregnant (although that might happen some day still!), we desired to adopt! my point being… pray. press in to God during this time, like you have been doing with She Reads Truth, and lock your gaze on the cross. cling to the gospel. it is an ANCHOR FOR YOUR SOUL (hebrews 6:19!). our message is loudest when our lives hurt the most. hang in there, girl!
Oh….my heart aches for you. My hubby and I waited four years for our sweet Grace with a miscarriage and fear, and hope, and sadness, and longing, and frustration, and excitement all in between there. I get not wanting to say anything. I did that most of the time and I think that to a certain extent helped. You can only wear your heart on your sleeve for all to read so much. I remember not wanting to say too much because I didn’t want people to ask me about it all the time and then feel even worse…or have people feeling sorry for us because we did know God had a plan.
We were told we had less than a 10% chance of becoming parents. (Asthma meds I needed to be on had seriously derailed my endocrine system.) My heart ached but we believed in one way or another it would happened. So, we moved into a home in a school district we liked, etc. We made plans for a life with a baby we did not know.
My hubby and I prayed about adoption and in that month God decided I would carry our child. I knew instantly because I was VERY sick. He would bless us two more times.
I will be praying for you. Praying you have the outlets you need to talk with the right people when you need to so that you don’t bury a hardship…afterall, he did create us in community…and praying for his peace in the wait. It gets consuming. It can put sex on the chore list right along with taking out the garbage and doing the laundry. It hurts, yet in the midst you are driven to the heart of God and when that day comes, however he chooses to make you a family, you will appreciate the snuggles and getting up in the night even more :) because you never take the MIRACLE of that little life for granted.
I wrote a post sharing some of my heart here this year because Palm sunday is always a reminder of those days of longing for the baby bump http://melissanesdahl.blogspot.com/2012/04/do-you-see-me-lord.html but I would be happy to listen or communicate via email if you ever like. Although it was 6.5 years ago when Grace was born, hearing of another in that position makes those emotions real like it were just yesterday. Prayers, sweet friend.
you know i’ve been there, and i’m here for you now. xoxo
OH, girl. I have so been in your shoes. A big part of my blog is my struggles with infertility & the emotions that go with it. I found my faith in my journey. & after seeing you on IG this morning, I have to share. Because I think I went through it just to help others. Here’s part one(drugs): http://styleberryblog.com/two-pink-lines Part two(loss):http://styleberryblog.com/loss-and-hope & part three(faith): http://styleberryblog.com/project-5231-bumpy. Stay strong. His timing is always perfect. :)
@shawna [of styleberryBLOG], & remember—it is ok to be sad, and mad and angry sometimes too. Sometimes it just sucks!!!
{{{hugs to you Maggie}}} I will never understand God’s timing, but I know He always has a plan. One o f the hardest parts of life sometimes is waiting on God. My first two daughters are 10 years apart and the space between daughter #3 and # 4 is 15 years. I miscarried and had ectopic pregnancies between the first two. I would have never imagined a surprise at age 42 with my last baby. You are doing the right thing ~ cling to your Savior. Prayers for you and hubby!!,
It hurts….it hurts so badly….and I’m sorry you have to feel this pain and longing. I pray that you are blessed someday with that baby bump you so desire. I was blessed.. after time and surgery, God gave me a most beautiful boy. He is 29 years old now. We wanted a whole house full…but it was not to be. More pain, more longing, more unanswered prayers. Then came acceptance, God blessed me with acceptance. It is a difficult journey, but He is there every step of the way…….
hmmmm…..I think God is up to something here. You & Zack have been on my praying heart – for no particular reason I thought. But the God-lightbulb just went on! I have been praying for you as one who knows and now I know what it is I know:) Though years span between you & me we have a lot in common. When I get back from The Wedding in San Diego let’s get together. I would love to pray with you! Please tell Zack that Doug & I are praying for you two…with love!
Thank you for sharing your heart today! I read your post early this morning and I have been thinking about you today. I have a friend who desperately wants to be graced with a baby bump again. She has been trying for four years with no success. It is heartbreaking. When she first told me she was trying I told her I would give all my baby bump vibes to her. My husband and I have one daughter and at the moment we are not ready for a second. Other people in our lives feel we should be ready and like to pour on the pressure. I struggle finding the answer to the question “when will you have another?” Today as I was thinking of you I came up with the perfect answer… next time I am asked I will say something along the lines of “we are not ready for another but I do know someone who could use prayers in this area of life.” :) I will be praying for you and your husband! I will be praying that God gracefully leads you through this time of life and provides you with riches you deserve. XO
What a great post! It’s hard to put stuff like this out there. But sometimes we all need the prayers and what a better way to get them!! Our first time ttc was full of prayers and now that we are back to trying again I have focused my prayers on exactly what you wrote about…his timing not ours. It’s is perfect and as much as I just want to know exactly when…I keep looking inward and trying to ask what is he wanting me to learn. This time I think it’s grace and living others like we love him which has been hard for me with a person in my life who I was judging but I am not get judge. Anyway back to my point is they I will keep you and your baby bump desires in my prayers! Please pray for mine if you can! Thanks again for sharing!! God bless you!
Ugh, it can be so difficult. You want what your heart wants, but things don’t always work out that way. And you don’t know why. And you don’t know when and if they will. It can be really difficult when lots of people around you are celebrating in the blessings you feel like you’ve been denied. I’m glad you have such a positive attitude about it, though! I hope God blesses you above and beyond what you’ve hoped for.
xo
Mandi
Totally praying for you. We’ve had no luck going to term with another pregnancy since my son was born. I’m 43 & still have hope it might happen but I feel your pain. Hoping God sprinkles lots of baby bump dust your way soon!
I will be praying for you all the way from Australia! God knows the desires of your heart, He just works in His time :)
PS – I adore your blog – it is truly inspiring x
Oh, my heart breaks for you to go through this. I know this desire and the hurt and the uncertainty. But Hope and Love are here and they are a beautiful sight for sore eyes. Praying for you!!!
I just today wrote a post on my feelings about baby bumps, adoption, and the healing God has brought my heart ::
http://inhishands-ouradoptionjourney.blogspot.com/2012/06/sometimes-i-wonder.html
Oh my sweet Maggie. I know sometimes it is hard to see the light through the muck and mire, but, our God is good and he promises you Hope and a Future! Jeremiah 29:11
lifting you up tonight…
Shining,
Melody
melody-mae.blogspot.com
I’m another waiting for a baby bump. I have a brand new niece that both soothes that and makes it a little worse at the same time!
I will pray for your baby bump desire, sweet Gussy. I too know that pain and desire to want that so badly. I don’t know your story but here is a piece of mine and my hubs. He had cancer in his pelvic area when he was 12. He is a literal walking miracle, but the chemo and radiation left him damaged forever. 3 days after we got home from our honeymoon, doctors confirmed the news that we so dreadfully didn’t want to hear. We can’t ever have kids of our own. I can’t express to you how painful that reality is. Every. Single. Day. I don’t know your story, but I am here if you need someone to listen. So sorry you’re hurting. Will be praying for your desired baby bump. God can do anything! His Word says that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His Word also said and gives proof that He performed miracles. Therefore, He can perform miracles today because He never changes! Keep believing with faith. He is faithful to His own. XO
My heart aches for your unfulfilled desire, yet my heart rejoices that you’ve been able to open up about it a little. I’m glad you peaked out of that hiding place. Your soul is so beautiful (man, that sounds creepy, haha) and it’s such a treasure to follow you here.
Maggie, thank you for sharing your heart. I too know what it’s like to long for the baby bump and have “life” turned upside down in the process. My hubby and I have been trying since December 2009. It’s been a very long disappointing road. We’ve had health issues, financial troubles, job changes and everyone around us getting pregnant with #1, #2, or #3. It’s been the most lonely time of our lives. We try to cling to each other, but somedays it’s just so hard. I cry when I hear that someone has been able to conceive “without even trying”, not that I’m never happy for them, but because I wonder why some people have it easier then others. Most cannot understand and even more people don’t try to. I celebrated my 32nd birthday in April, and never in my dreams thought I wouldn’t be a mommy yet.
I started following your blog a few months ago and then started along with #SheReadsTruth and I can’t even begin to tell you how much it has spoke to my heart and my journey. I have started to read more of the bible and each time I do, it’s as if God is saying the words in person and ministering to my heart in more way then I can express. I found out that two people I know are expecting in the past week. This has been a tough one but with the scripture and journalling I’ve gotten through.
You, Maggie, are such a light. If we were to ever meet in real life, I believe we could totally be friends. I’m praying with you and believing that God will fulfill the desires of our hearts. Whatever that looks like, He has some great plans for our lives.
{Deep Sigh} I am so with you-it is hard to explain these deep, raw emotions. The Lord is so awesome. Maggie, Isn’t it a great feeling to know that we don’t ever walk alone? I am amazed how God gives us sisters in Him to encourage and connect. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for only 5 months now. But it seems like an eternity. It stresses me out. I have friends who have struggled with infertility and I feel so sorry for them. I’ve thought, what if infertility is the part of the journey the Lord has for ME?I have wept and prayed “Please Lord, don’t make me walk this path.” I would love to adopt but I am not going to lie…it saddens me to my deepest being to think of not going through my own pregnancy and feeling that life grow inside of me. The kicking baby, the bump, the morning sickness…I want that so much. I’ve been reminded lately that I can’t be bitter towards those who complain their entire pregnancy when I would welcome being sick to have a baby of my own. Also #shereadstruth has totally changed my perspective. Earlier this week I was reminded that He is sovereign and I am not. His plans for me are perfect. I’m trying to “wait without complaining” like “Living the Surrendered Life” said about patience. Know you are not alone. Lifting you up to the One who IS life. Hugs to you, sweet sister.
Hi Gussy, I’m late on commenting because I’ve contemplated on what to say. I’ve been right where you are for a very long time, complete with multiple losses, one healthy baby, complicated pregnancies, scares like you wouldn’t believe, days of watching the clock tick by, watching all my friends announce good news, etc. I know it’s so hard to wait, wonder, & trust in HIS timing. Everyone would tell me (with good intentions) “it will happen when you least expect it, just relax, stop thinking about it and it will happen….” and so on. Not hurtful, but not exactly helpful. So I won’t say any of that. I’ll just leave you some xoxoxoxo and let you know you’re not alone in this!
I’m praying for you! It’s hard. It really is. And that’s okay. Last year I was in a similar place and dealing with years of infertility while I desperately wanted a baby. It was the most difficult issue I’ve ever faced. Right now I’m snuggling our little miracle baby and couldn’t be more thankful for her. I hope and pray God will grant the desires of your heart.
One of the good things that came from my infertility was that it really opened my heart up to adoption. It’s something we know we want to do now and I can’t wait to start the process in a couple years.
I understand how you are feeling. My husband and I didn’t feel the biological tick until we were both mid-thirties. My family is VERY fertile so I just assumed it would just be a matter of whenever I was ready. Unfortunately, I lost my first three pregnancies in the first trimester. In the meantime, my sister in law had two children and was able to basically get pregnant on demand. When I finally got referred to my wonderful reproductive endocrinologist, Dr. Lawrence Odom, he said that my problems were mostly caused by an over-active immune system and that it was entirely possible to fix but that it was also likely that my body would never “allow” a pregnancy to go full term. I cried that night because I finally realized that I may never hear anyone call me “Mama”. I didn’t know at that very moment, I was pregnant again. Fortunately, I can only assume that God decided that this was the baby I was meant to have. I now have a beautiful two year old daughter who calls me Mama and gives me the sweetest kisses. I can only say that the struggles some us have with wanting babies only makes us better parents when the time finally comes. My best to you as you continue down the path to parenthood!
And to head off any potential backlash from my previous post ~ I did not in any way mean when I said “better parents” to suggest that it meant better than someone who had an easy pregnancy. Hope everyone has a great Saturday!
I understand this so much…so much more than I can ever express. I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this. It’s heartbreaking in ways that most people will never understand. It took years and many, many very difficult bumps along the way before I finally got to hold my daughter. It was such a tough experience, but it taught me so much. I know this is weird to say, but I’ve learned in retrospect to be thankful for my experience, as it’s made me appreciate life/parenthood that much more. It’s so hard when you see others getting pregnant so easily, and even worse when you DO let someone know what’s going on and they brush you off like it will happen when you “relax” about it. I’m in your area, so please feel free to email me if you want recs on docs, etc. I’d be so happy to chat with you. I know your experience is unique to you and only you, but sometimes it’s nice to know that you’re not alone out there. I’ll be thinking of you and praying for you guys.
My heart goes out to you!! I have been through that myself and it took over 2 years to get pregnant. When I decided that it was not meant to happen I found myself pregnant months later. God has a plan for everything though it may take longer than we want. Everything happens for a reason any my little daughter was meant to come when she did. Praying for your family!!!
Miss Maggie…..I’ve been down the road of difficulty conceiving! It is a journey I would NOT want any other woman to have to take. But joy comes through the struggle and the blessings are even greater! (and that’s not to say that other women who have it easy aren’t blessed or grateful…..but I feel especially blessed). I am so sorry that you even have to go through this. Praying for you during this time. And knowing God can do all things!
My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have wanted to start a family for the entire 4 years we have been married. Fertility treatments, miscarriage and failed adoptions have marked the last 4 years. We finally have a baby in our arms. Almost 2 weeks ago we got home with our tiny Taiwanese princess. She turned 5 months old yesterday and has totally turned our world upside down. God has answered my prayer to be a mommy, just not quite in the way I expected!
Praying for you through all of this.
Tara
Hardest journey of my life! Praying with and for you!
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26 NIV)
I am experiencing the same thing. Yet as u mentioned God is in complete control and his timing is perfect. My friend always reminds me that the world he creates for us is far better than the world we would create for ourselves.
Maggie – Lots of love to you! It took us three years to get pregnant. It was agonizing. I could not understand (at the time) why God wouldn’t give us a baby? During the three years, we went to a fertility clinic where options were discussed. God revealed to us during that time that that was not our options. We began the option of our daughter (which took another two years) during that time my marriage went thru an amazing – life changing transformation. That was God’s plan. It seemed horrible at the time but looking back 15 years later – it was amazing. Do you know what? We got a referral in 2002 of a sweet little girl in Moscow. 8 weeks later – I found out we were pregnant. That spring, I ended up with having two babies in two months – see isn’t God fantastic the way he orchestrates plans? Since then, I have had two more babies – two more complete surprises. Let him surprise you Maggie – it is fun. Lots of love to you!
My daughter had one child and then had trouble having the second. Four miscarriages . And finally she did go to a doctor who specializes in fertility and she had a wonderful little boy and eleven months later another girl. A real surprise. It will happen in due time. The best things in life are worth waiting for. Linda Gerig
Going through the heartache of infertility (and early pregnancy losses) is one of the most heart-wrenching experiences my husband and I have ever faced. It breaks my heart to see others struggle with it too.
I hope that your journey is short — no matter the direction it takes — and that you find joy in the end result. My heart goes out to you and your husband.
My parents were married for 16 years before I came along. They were told they would never have children of their own so take that to all the downers that said so. And then my brother came along 6 and 1/2 years later. When I was a kidlet I prayed every night for a baby brother….and I got one! So yes, I think praying does work. :)
My best friend had a hard road to babies. She struggled and cried and was frustrated for a long time. She and her husband had all kinds of life changes and then he got a great job, they bought their first home and bam she got pregnant and now they have two little girls. I remember writing her a card saying how amazing it was that God waited for just the right time in their lives to bless them with children.
I remember how hard it was for her….as I’m sure it’s been hard for you. Just remember not to lose hope.
Thank you so much for sharing, Maggie. Your post was so beautiful. I’m so sorry the past year has been one of difficulty and tumultuous emotions. Sending lots of love and prayers to you! My youth minister’s wife desperately wanted to be a mom. She was only 24, I think, when she got pregnant, then lost the baby. And the 2nd. And the 3rd. But she never gave up or dispaired in God. She finally had a beautiful little girl, and a little boy who’s about a year now. God has a plan for you! Don’t let fear take away your hope! :)
My personal struggle’s not about a baby (only 19, so that’s a while’s away). I’ve agonized, prayed, and cried more times than I can count about where to go to college. I broke down for the 197th time today during my evening walk. All of my college choices are good…but I don’t know which one to pick. And I lose the scholarships for whichever ones I don’t pick. So if I go to one and decide it’s not for me…well, it’ll be much much harder to pay for one of the other schools. People tell me, “You’ll know – just pick the one you really want!” But what’s so terrifying is I DON’T know.
Oh, Gussy. My heart breaks for you.
While I don’t have PCOS, I have been trying for a baby almost a year and have lost 2 babies. My doctor will not do any testing until we reach a year or lose another baby. I know what it is like to want a baby so badly and for some reason your body fails you and you aren’t able to have one. For me, people say “Well, at least you can get pregnant.” Doesn’t matter! My body quickly rejects the babies, and it could easily always be that way.
Our bodies are not perfect. I don’t know why this happens to so many of us, but it does. I hope that your Dr.’s are good and helpful and provide you with whatever means you may need to bring home your precious baby who I know is waiting to be brought into this world.
Wow! Sweet, sweet Maggie, I’m praying God will bless you and Zack with a baby. You are right…His timing is always perfect. I know it doesn’t take away all the disappointments and sad times. Thank you for sharing with us. Now (as I take a long sip of my ice coffee), you have lots of prayers going up for you. Lots of blessings are sure to come down. :)
Maggie. I’m so glad your shared your heart with us. I don’t know your situation exactly, but I dealt with infertility before getting pregnant with my daughter and then when we decided on trying for #2, I have 2 miscarriages in a row. Even typing it breaks my heart. It was one of the saddest & darkest times in my life, but God ultimately had a plan for us and He was just teaching me full dependence on Him and nothing else can fulfill my soul. He did bless us with a baby boy last July & I can’t believe he is about to be a year old. So, just know that I am praying for you and thank you for being so transparent about your struggle, because I know that can be so hard to do. I’m just excited that I get to sit back and see all the amazing things the Lord has in store for your family! :-)
“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21
Have a great weekend,
Stacy
Just read thru all these comments with tears in my eyes. So encouraged by the women you gave freedom to and so in awe of the saints lifting you & that bump up to the Great Healer & Physician.
I truly believe that it is by no accident that I came across your blog over a year ago. I too share your struggle. I am so moved by the ladies who have already commented. Dealing with infertility for almost 3 years has left me feeling alone and afflicted. I have PCOS and I place all the blame on myself. I have felt like there was nobody else that could understand the type of hurt that comes along with the dissapointment month after month. I have just recently started talking about it and I have found that it has helped my soul so much. I love my Jesus, but I have found myself questioning His ways. She Reads Truth has helped me overcome this in so many ways. I cannot thank you enough for letting God move through you.
Please know that I am praying for you and Zach. And please don’t ever feel alone. You have so many friends in this community of yours! I feel like you are a close friend of mine already! Thank you so much for sharing your heart.
@Amanda – there are more of us out there than I ever realized – which is the one comfort in having those four letters attached to you.
@Beth,
Man this didn’t work right – it was a response to a comment pages back – sorry about that!
This is truly the worst type of waiting. It’s a waiting without KNOWING for sure that you will end up where you so desperately desire to be. It’s also a waiting that so many women (and men) endure in silence. Unfortunately in the Christian community the “children are a blessing” verse is often used as a weapon, a way to wound and prove superiority of “blessedness.”
Something that I began to see when I was in my own six years of waiting and loss is that we are not alone in this struggle. Not just women who are experiencing it now, but the mothers of the faith – Hannah, Sarah, Rebecca, Elizabeth, and more.
There’s no words that can make the pain easier. And sometimes it’s as painful to hear stories from “the other side” of the wait as it is helpful because it can be such a dark place. I’m praying for you!
Oh Girl, was I ever where you are. Who knows how your journey will continue, but I will tell you this: Sometimes God has to try a little harder to Wow us, you know? Maybe, like me, you will be surprised to find yourself surrounded by faces that look nothing like your own. Regardless, as my mom once told me, “God already knows what your family picture looks like.” He knows. He made it so. Praying for peace to rain down into your heart tonight. xo, Shannan
I’d love a little baby bump too. Praying for you.
First time commenter, but knowing your struggles all to well myself…you will be in my prayers. I have gotten great enouragement from this website: http://www.Sarahs-Laughter.com/
Her daily double portion scripture reflection emails come just when I need a boost. :)
You are right to share your heart… perhaps the answers will come and the baby bump along with it. Share with your girlfriends, family, even strangers and each step along the way will bring clarity and answers. I was recently a surrogate for two families, bringing three babies into this world in the last six years. I know, second-hand, the struggles and longing you must have in your heart to create a new family for yourselves. Hold it dear and true, pray, believe and be patient… and His will be done. Hugs from Minnesota.
I struggled with infertility for many years. We tried medical intervention, I went to an acupuncturist, but nothing worked. I had finally decided that adoption would be our route to parenthood when I saw an advertisement for a group that needed volunteers to advocate on behalf of foster children. I didn’t think I was qualified but it turned out that I was, and so five beautiful children made their way into my life. They are not mine biologically but as they all know, a family is the people that love you and with whom you feel cherished and safe. If I had been able to conceive I would never have met the kids I was destined to have in my life – so strange but true. God truly works in mysterious ways.
I so understand what you’re going through ma belle. As many couples, we’ve been dealing with infertility for 6 years. Last months I had a 3rd IVF cycles, we did EVERYTHING we could to succeed. But it failed, again. Because everytime my body is a total mess for at least 6 months, my husband and I decided to stop everything. Enough is enough. Why God isn’t sending us the children we want so much? I don’t know. Will I be someday a mother? I don’t know. But I know God hasn’t forgotten us. His Love for us is huge and I know He can make miracles. I trust Him, He trust me. I promise you it is possible to be happy and to live a fulfilling life without this blessing. He knows your heart, he hears your prayers, He sees your tears…trust him and fully live your life…That’s the way I found to heal myself.
♥♥♥
And thank you for all the comments on this topic. You ladies are amazing =)
I hear what you are saying. I feel like so many people around me are having babies and wanting to have babies. My husband and I have been married for almost six years, but we’re not in a position to have kids yet. I feel myself getting more sad and disappointed that we’re not at that point. I didn’t think I would get like this; I thought I would be content with where we are in our lives, what we’ve accomplished so far, and where we hope our life together will go. To be truthful, though, I’m not sure where we’re headed. Lately I have felt so much like I need to grow my faith and be more confident in my faith. Thank you for your blog and your honest faith. I believe it is a big part of helping me get back on track.
Hi Maggie,
This is my first time posting on your site. My husband and I tried for 12 years to conceive (on our own, with fertility specialists, etc). We pray everyday for people who are experiencing difficulty or just starting the journey. It’s a blessing and when it all comes together it will be amazing!! God knows and is working on it for us all. My husband and I were never able to conceive on our own, but have just reached one year of waiting to adopt. We will continue to pray for you and for everyone posting. There are lots of little angels just waiting to join us here on earth.
Be blessed!
Paige
I’ve read your blog many times before but this is my first time commenting. We two have been struggling with infertility for over a year and a half and just went through our first round of IVF after two failed IUIs. We found out last week we are not pregnant. I can’t begin to express of sad, frustrating and heart broken I feel about it. I just shared a post about it on my blog and there is something about writing it out that has been a release for me. A friend shared with me that God placed such a strong desire in my heart to be a mother and he will fulfill it someday, but in his timing. another friend reminding that God is never late. I have been repeating that to myself so many times a day, as I fail to understand God’s timing but do trust that he is in control. When I started blogging I had know idea I’d meet others that are going through infertility but God has used my blog as such a blessing because it is so helpful to talk to others that understand exactly how you feel. I will be keeping you in my prayers as you guys try to be patient as you wait for God’s timing. And am here if you ever want to vent or share!
LOVE. THIS. POST. So beautifully transparent and wonderfully written :) I, myself, have been through some “times” this past year. Ups and downs, but lessons learned and strengthened along the way. Isn’t that just like GOD and all HIS awesomeness?!! There are some “dreams” I’ve had and some that GOD is working out for me right now :) but some that are on hold or just not here yet…but I’m trusting HIM (even when it’s very hard) and I’m waiting on HIM and HIS timing. BECAUSE I believe that HE truly has HIS best and it all planned out…gotta love and hold onto to Psalm 139, Jer. 29:11, and Rom. 8:28 ;) Have a blessed day!!!
My heart goes out to you, I just stumbled up on your blog as I’m new to sewing and was looking for inspiration. While I’ve definitely found it I have to think that God may have wanted me to find you for another reason. My husband & I struggled for several years to have a baby and I know all to well the desire to have a child and it not happening on our time or with the plan we had in mind for our lives. Ours is a long story (infertility treatments, infant loss, embryo adoption, and a preemie) and it definitely wasn’t what I would have imagined but ultimately it was what led us to our son. Here is a link to my blog http://roadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/.
I know it’s hard & although I don’t have any definitive answers or reassurance to offer I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that one day, I can’t say for certain how or when but I’m certain you will be a mother. Lots of love to you, prayers that you feel peace and are led in the direction God has for your life.
Thank you for sharing your experiences both in sewing and life! You’ve inspired me as I begin my sewing journey.
I stumbled across your site yesterday and decided to come back tonight and found this post.
I am having one of those moments, you know, when you know that God is telling you something. Giving you an answer.
I have been struggling with the same thing for a while now, wondering why it seems like everyone I know is pregnant or a new parent. My husband and I have been trying for over a year and nothing.
I am so sad every time my period comes.
Thank you for your post and for all you ladies who have commented. I feel like God is telling me (through you all) that it will be okay. God’s plan is one to trust.
I will pray for you Gussy.
never commented before, but just perusing this evening… happened on your post and want you to know that I am praying Psalm 113:9 for you this evening. While I have never had this struggle (quite the opposite actually, with 4 kids in 4 1/2 years) I have prayed for many a friend in your shoes. Thankful that you are continuing to trust God and praying the baby bump comes soon…
Psalm 113:9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.
I’m praying for you. This brought back memories from when I was trying for a baby. You wonder if it will ever happen. Thanks for sharing this. God does have a plan for your life. It’s so hard when we’re in the middle of the struggle.
Jeremiah 29:11
My friend sent me here to your blog and after reading this post I can understand why.. My husband and I are also struggling to get pregnant. I was diagnosed with PCOS about 18 months ago after 6 months of trying (my sister was diagnosed and I therefore thought I’d get tested too).. We were devestated. In the time we’ve been trying I’ve seen couples get married pregnant and have babies.. It’s so easy for me to think its not fair and get angry at God (I know I shouldn’t but it’s generally my first step.) thanks for reminding me I’m not going through it alone and thanks to the commenters for reminding me that whatever Gods plan is its purpose is greater than anything I could plan for or dream of and for me that is just really exciting :) thanks so much for your honesty and encouragement. I’ll be praying for you :)
My dear Gussy Girl!
What can I say! I’ve been waiting, praying, crying, fighting for that baby bump for so many years now…I so understand what you can’t express…
I’ll keep you in my prayers, God loves you and has a plan for you, you are not forgotten.
♥♥♥
I’m sure The Lord brought me here for a reason today. I too am going through the same struggles. I had PCOS (I’ve been healed a year now praise The Lord!) but my sis in law just became pregnant. I’m trying to deal with the emotions of trying for four years without that bump and trying to find happiness for her as well.
It’s so encouraging to see that you now have had maxwell after all these people have prayed for you. It gives me a renewed hope that I too will get that some day. Thank you for sharing your struggles accompanied with scripture and hope. It’s gives hope to me. :)
Hi There,
I was going back and reading some of your older posts today. I absolutely adore your blog, your work and reading about your life!
I found that this post resonated with me today. I have a desire for a baby bump and it seems like God’s plan might be a little different than mine.
Do you share anywhere on your blog about your journey to pregnancy and getting your baby bump?
I find it encouraging that I am not the only one who struggled with this and to see that you have been blessed with an adorable little one.
Many blessings and keep on doing what you do!
C