{morning coffee: Sharing what’s on my heart, baby talk.}

GRAB A CUP OF MORNING COFFEE, LET’S CHAT! What a busy week we had over here in Gussy land. The #SheReadsTruth team + I had a super exciting video call with YouVersion. We can’t express how amazing this community is :) A few months ago, I’d even go back to earlier this year, I felt a slow but steady shift. {Stops to take a long sip of coffee.} At first I couldn’t place my finger on it, but now that some time has passed + more pieces have been put together I can.

It first started with my business. We closed for a few weeks right after Christmas to prepare for a giant shop re-launch in late-January. Every month this year, while I had some huge goals in mind, has been filled with ups + downs — all things I expected to experience with running a handmade business from home. It has been a great first half of the year with lots of triumphant moments from the things we’ve learned. But then I started noticing the large shift with my personal life. And for the longest time, about 14 months now {but who’s counting?}, I couldn’t even explain what I was feeling. Oh man, it was so hard. Like some days I would just cry, the smallest thing making me feel so sad.

[me + Bauer at the park, a view of our tree-lined street, me + Tracey, family pic!, a gorgeous house we saw while driving, evening wine with my hubby on the front porch]

As we continue our morning coffee chat I slowly tell you about my friend Tracey {she’s up above in the navy polka dot shirt, isn’t she adorable??} and how sweet she is. She’s a really good friend… calling me every couple of weeks to check in. We may live hundreds of miles from each other but we connect every so often. I really appreciate her :)

I’d also tell you about our little family of three: Zack, Bauer + me. See our shadows above? We’re really hoping for the day God blesses us with a baby bump. Yep, that was one of the personal shifts we felt. We have had some hard setbacks these last 14 months and it’s been so painful. Things we wanted for our family were not the same things God wanted for our family. And that my dear friends is why I haven’t felt quite like myself. I tried sharing a bit of my heart here and here; I can’t tell you how many times I tried writing down how I really felt, in the rawest of letters, but I just couldn’t find the words to reflect what I was feeling in my heart. And sometimes I would want to talk about this with others, but then there were times I wanted to talk to no one. It was so weird!

One day I think I’ll share more, but — I’m still not sure. I’ve been thinking of this verse a lot: The lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. — Exodus 14:14

[snippets of my #SheReadsTruth journal, sassy red shoes, babysitting June + Lucy, June’s baptism {I’m her godmother}, video conference call with the #SheReadsTruth team, my new ruffly dress]

So as we continue to sip our morning coffee, it’s now your turn to take some time and share what’s on your heart. And who knows, maybe you know someone who also desperately wants to have a baby bump. Or, maybe you’re the one who wants to have a baby bump. One thing Zack + I have learned over this past year is that God has all things perfectly planned. And regardless of whether we understand His timing right now, we do believe that His timing is perfect, at all times. Wow — it’s definitely taken me a long time to be able to believe that as Truth. Let’s call that progress.

If you have Baby Bump on the heart, let’s pray for each other, OK? With prayer, things can only go up ;)

[watching a movie when i should have been working, flowers from the garden x2, Bauer’s shadow]

So that’s what I have to share :) How about you? What is on your heart this week? Have you ever struggled to write a raw letter but the words couldn’t come through your fingertips? xoxo

[Sharing Instagram photos from the week + linking up with Life Rearranged.]

 

Comments

  1. 134

    Rose says

    My heart goes out to you!! I have been through that myself and it took over 2 years to get pregnant. When I decided that it was not meant to happen I found myself pregnant months later. God has a plan for everything though it may take longer than we want. Everything happens for a reason any my little daughter was meant to come when she did. Praying for your family!!!

  2. 135

    Cathy Kelemen says

    Miss Maggie…..I’ve been down the road of difficulty conceiving! It is a journey I would NOT want any other woman to have to take. But joy comes through the struggle and the blessings are even greater! (and that’s not to say that other women who have it easy aren’t blessed or grateful…..but I feel especially blessed). I am so sorry that you even have to go through this. Praying for you during this time. And knowing God can do all things!

  3. 136

    says

    My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have wanted to start a family for the entire 4 years we have been married. Fertility treatments, miscarriage and failed adoptions have marked the last 4 years. We finally have a baby in our arms. Almost 2 weeks ago we got home with our tiny Taiwanese princess. She turned 5 months old yesterday and has totally turned our world upside down. God has answered my prayer to be a mommy, just not quite in the way I expected!

    Praying for you through all of this.
    Tara

  4. 137

    Shara says

    Hardest journey of my life! Praying with and for you!
    My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26 NIV)

  5. 138

    n says

    I am experiencing the same thing. Yet as u mentioned God is in complete control and his timing is perfect. My friend always reminds me that the world he creates for us is far better than the world we would create for ourselves.

  6. 139

    says

    Maggie – Lots of love to you! It took us three years to get pregnant. It was agonizing. I could not understand (at the time) why God wouldn’t give us a baby? During the three years, we went to a fertility clinic where options were discussed. God revealed to us during that time that that was not our options. We began the option of our daughter (which took another two years) during that time my marriage went thru an amazing – life changing transformation. That was God’s plan. It seemed horrible at the time but looking back 15 years later – it was amazing. Do you know what? We got a referral in 2002 of a sweet little girl in Moscow. 8 weeks later – I found out we were pregnant. That spring, I ended up with having two babies in two months – see isn’t God fantastic the way he orchestrates plans? Since then, I have had two more babies – two more complete surprises. Let him surprise you Maggie – it is fun. Lots of love to you!

  7. 140

    Linda gerig says

    My daughter had one child and then had trouble having the second. Four miscarriages . And finally she did go to a doctor who specializes in fertility and she had a wonderful little boy and eleven months later another girl. A real surprise. It will happen in due time. The best things in life are worth waiting for. Linda Gerig

  8. 141

    Amanda says

    Going through the heartache of infertility (and early pregnancy losses) is one of the most heart-wrenching experiences my husband and I have ever faced. It breaks my heart to see others struggle with it too.

    I hope that your journey is short — no matter the direction it takes — and that you find joy in the end result. My heart goes out to you and your husband.

  9. 142

    says

    My parents were married for 16 years before I came along. They were told they would never have children of their own so take that to all the downers that said so. And then my brother came along 6 and 1/2 years later. When I was a kidlet I prayed every night for a baby brother….and I got one! So yes, I think praying does work. :)

    My best friend had a hard road to babies. She struggled and cried and was frustrated for a long time. She and her husband had all kinds of life changes and then he got a great job, they bought their first home and bam she got pregnant and now they have two little girls. I remember writing her a card saying how amazing it was that God waited for just the right time in their lives to bless them with children.

    I remember how hard it was for her….as I’m sure it’s been hard for you. Just remember not to lose hope.

  10. 143

    says

    Thank you so much for sharing, Maggie. Your post was so beautiful. I’m so sorry the past year has been one of difficulty and tumultuous emotions. Sending lots of love and prayers to you! My youth minister’s wife desperately wanted to be a mom. She was only 24, I think, when she got pregnant, then lost the baby. And the 2nd. And the 3rd. But she never gave up or dispaired in God. She finally had a beautiful little girl, and a little boy who’s about a year now. God has a plan for you! Don’t let fear take away your hope! :)
    My personal struggle’s not about a baby (only 19, so that’s a while’s away). I’ve agonized, prayed, and cried more times than I can count about where to go to college. I broke down for the 197th time today during my evening walk. All of my college choices are good…but I don’t know which one to pick. And I lose the scholarships for whichever ones I don’t pick. So if I go to one and decide it’s not for me…well, it’ll be much much harder to pay for one of the other schools. People tell me, “You’ll know – just pick the one you really want!” But what’s so terrifying is I DON’T know.

  11. 144

    Stef says

    Oh, Gussy. My heart breaks for you.

    While I don’t have PCOS, I have been trying for a baby almost a year and have lost 2 babies. My doctor will not do any testing until we reach a year or lose another baby. I know what it is like to want a baby so badly and for some reason your body fails you and you aren’t able to have one. For me, people say “Well, at least you can get pregnant.” Doesn’t matter! My body quickly rejects the babies, and it could easily always be that way.

    Our bodies are not perfect. I don’t know why this happens to so many of us, but it does. I hope that your Dr.’s are good and helpful and provide you with whatever means you may need to bring home your precious baby who I know is waiting to be brought into this world.

  12. 145

    Karen Stout says

    Wow! Sweet, sweet Maggie, I’m praying God will bless you and Zack with a baby. You are right…His timing is always perfect. I know it doesn’t take away all the disappointments and sad times. Thank you for sharing with us. Now (as I take a long sip of my ice coffee), you have lots of prayers going up for you. Lots of blessings are sure to come down. :)

  13. 146

    says

    Maggie. I’m so glad your shared your heart with us. I don’t know your situation exactly, but I dealt with infertility before getting pregnant with my daughter and then when we decided on trying for #2, I have 2 miscarriages in a row. Even typing it breaks my heart. It was one of the saddest & darkest times in my life, but God ultimately had a plan for us and He was just teaching me full dependence on Him and nothing else can fulfill my soul. He did bless us with a baby boy last July & I can’t believe he is about to be a year old. So, just know that I am praying for you and thank you for being so transparent about your struggle, because I know that can be so hard to do. I’m just excited that I get to sit back and see all the amazing things the Lord has in store for your family! :-)

    “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

    Have a great weekend,
    Stacy

  14. 147

    says

    Just read thru all these comments with tears in my eyes. So encouraged by the women you gave freedom to and so in awe of the saints lifting you & that bump up to the Great Healer & Physician.

  15. 148

    Prissy says

    I truly believe that it is by no accident that I came across your blog over a year ago. I too share your struggle. I am so moved by the ladies who have already commented. Dealing with infertility for almost 3 years has left me feeling alone and afflicted. I have PCOS and I place all the blame on myself. I have felt like there was nobody else that could understand the type of hurt that comes along with the dissapointment month after month. I have just recently started talking about it and I have found that it has helped my soul so much. I love my Jesus, but I have found myself questioning His ways. She Reads Truth has helped me overcome this in so many ways. I cannot thank you enough for letting God move through you.

    Please know that I am praying for you and Zach. And please don’t ever feel alone. You have so many friends in this community of yours! I feel like you are a close friend of mine already! Thank you so much for sharing your heart.

  16. 149

    says

    @Amanda – there are more of us out there than I ever realized – which is the one comfort in having those four letters attached to you.

  17. 151

    says

    This is truly the worst type of waiting. It’s a waiting without KNOWING for sure that you will end up where you so desperately desire to be. It’s also a waiting that so many women (and men) endure in silence. Unfortunately in the Christian community the “children are a blessing” verse is often used as a weapon, a way to wound and prove superiority of “blessedness.”

    Something that I began to see when I was in my own six years of waiting and loss is that we are not alone in this struggle. Not just women who are experiencing it now, but the mothers of the faith – Hannah, Sarah, Rebecca, Elizabeth, and more.

    There’s no words that can make the pain easier. And sometimes it’s as painful to hear stories from “the other side” of the wait as it is helpful because it can be such a dark place. I’m praying for you!

  18. 152

    says

    Oh Girl, was I ever where you are. Who knows how your journey will continue, but I will tell you this: Sometimes God has to try a little harder to Wow us, you know? Maybe, like me, you will be surprised to find yourself surrounded by faces that look nothing like your own. Regardless, as my mom once told me, “God already knows what your family picture looks like.” He knows. He made it so. Praying for peace to rain down into your heart tonight. xo, Shannan

  19. 154

    Megan says

    First time commenter, but knowing your struggles all to well myself…you will be in my prayers. I have gotten great enouragement from this website: http://www.Sarahs-Laughter.com/
    Her daily double portion scripture reflection emails come just when I need a boost. :)

  20. 155

    says

    You are right to share your heart… perhaps the answers will come and the baby bump along with it. Share with your girlfriends, family, even strangers and each step along the way will bring clarity and answers. I was recently a surrogate for two families, bringing three babies into this world in the last six years. I know, second-hand, the struggles and longing you must have in your heart to create a new family for yourselves. Hold it dear and true, pray, believe and be patient… and His will be done. Hugs from Minnesota.

  21. 156

    says

    I struggled with infertility for many years. We tried medical intervention, I went to an acupuncturist, but nothing worked. I had finally decided that adoption would be our route to parenthood when I saw an advertisement for a group that needed volunteers to advocate on behalf of foster children. I didn’t think I was qualified but it turned out that I was, and so five beautiful children made their way into my life. They are not mine biologically but as they all know, a family is the people that love you and with whom you feel cherished and safe. If I had been able to conceive I would never have met the kids I was destined to have in my life – so strange but true. God truly works in mysterious ways.

  22. 157

    says

    I so understand what you’re going through ma belle. As many couples, we’ve been dealing with infertility for 6 years. Last months I had a 3rd IVF cycles, we did EVERYTHING we could to succeed. But it failed, again. Because everytime my body is a total mess for at least 6 months, my husband and I decided to stop everything. Enough is enough. Why God isn’t sending us the children we want so much? I don’t know. Will I be someday a mother? I don’t know. But I know God hasn’t forgotten us. His Love for us is huge and I know He can make miracles. I trust Him, He trust me. I promise you it is possible to be happy and to live a fulfilling life without this blessing. He knows your heart, he hears your prayers, He sees your tears…trust him and fully live your life…That’s the way I found to heal myself.
    ♥♥♥
    And thank you for all the comments on this topic. You ladies are amazing =)

  23. 158

    Kate S says

    I hear what you are saying. I feel like so many people around me are having babies and wanting to have babies. My husband and I have been married for almost six years, but we’re not in a position to have kids yet. I feel myself getting more sad and disappointed that we’re not at that point. I didn’t think I would get like this; I thought I would be content with where we are in our lives, what we’ve accomplished so far, and where we hope our life together will go. To be truthful, though, I’m not sure where we’re headed. Lately I have felt so much like I need to grow my faith and be more confident in my faith. Thank you for your blog and your honest faith. I believe it is a big part of helping me get back on track.

  24. 159

    says

    Hi Maggie,
    This is my first time posting on your site. My husband and I tried for 12 years to conceive (on our own, with fertility specialists, etc). We pray everyday for people who are experiencing difficulty or just starting the journey. It’s a blessing and when it all comes together it will be amazing!! God knows and is working on it for us all. My husband and I were never able to conceive on our own, but have just reached one year of waiting to adopt. We will continue to pray for you and for everyone posting. There are lots of little angels just waiting to join us here on earth.
    Be blessed!
    Paige

  25. 160

    says

    I’ve read your blog many times before but this is my first time commenting. We two have been struggling with infertility for over a year and a half and just went through our first round of IVF after two failed IUIs. We found out last week we are not pregnant. I can’t begin to express of sad, frustrating and heart broken I feel about it. I just shared a post about it on my blog and there is something about writing it out that has been a release for me. A friend shared with me that God placed such a strong desire in my heart to be a mother and he will fulfill it someday, but in his timing. another friend reminding that God is never late. I have been repeating that to myself so many times a day, as I fail to understand God’s timing but do trust that he is in control. When I started blogging I had know idea I’d meet others that are going through infertility but God has used my blog as such a blessing because it is so helpful to talk to others that understand exactly how you feel. I will be keeping you in my prayers as you guys try to be patient as you wait for God’s timing. And am here if you ever want to vent or share!

  26. 161

    says

    LOVE. THIS. POST. So beautifully transparent and wonderfully written :) I, myself, have been through some “times” this past year. Ups and downs, but lessons learned and strengthened along the way. Isn’t that just like GOD and all HIS awesomeness?!! There are some “dreams” I’ve had and some that GOD is working out for me right now :) but some that are on hold or just not here yet…but I’m trusting HIM (even when it’s very hard) and I’m waiting on HIM and HIS timing. BECAUSE I believe that HE truly has HIS best and it all planned out…gotta love and hold onto to Psalm 139, Jer. 29:11, and Rom. 8:28 ;) Have a blessed day!!!

  27. 162

    says

    My heart goes out to you, I just stumbled up on your blog as I’m new to sewing and was looking for inspiration. While I’ve definitely found it I have to think that God may have wanted me to find you for another reason. My husband & I struggled for several years to have a baby and I know all to well the desire to have a child and it not happening on our time or with the plan we had in mind for our lives. Ours is a long story (infertility treatments, infant loss, embryo adoption, and a preemie) and it definitely wasn’t what I would have imagined but ultimately it was what led us to our son. Here is a link to my blog http://roadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com/.
    I know it’s hard & although I don’t have any definitive answers or reassurance to offer I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that one day, I can’t say for certain how or when but I’m certain you will be a mother. Lots of love to you, prayers that you feel peace and are led in the direction God has for your life.
    Thank you for sharing your experiences both in sewing and life! You’ve inspired me as I begin my sewing journey.

  28. 163

    Nicola says

    I stumbled across your site yesterday and decided to come back tonight and found this post.
    I am having one of those moments, you know, when you know that God is telling you something. Giving you an answer.
    I have been struggling with the same thing for a while now, wondering why it seems like everyone I know is pregnant or a new parent. My husband and I have been trying for over a year and nothing.
    I am so sad every time my period comes.
    Thank you for your post and for all you ladies who have commented. I feel like God is telling me (through you all) that it will be okay. God’s plan is one to trust.
    I will pray for you Gussy.

  29. 164

    says

    never commented before, but just perusing this evening… happened on your post and want you to know that I am praying Psalm 113:9 for you this evening. While I have never had this struggle (quite the opposite actually, with 4 kids in 4 1/2 years) I have prayed for many a friend in your shoes. Thankful that you are continuing to trust God and praying the baby bump comes soon…

    Psalm 113:9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.

  30. 165

    says

    I’m praying for you. This brought back memories from when I was trying for a baby. You wonder if it will ever happen. Thanks for sharing this. God does have a plan for your life. It’s so hard when we’re in the middle of the struggle.
    Jeremiah 29:11

  31. 166

    Steph says

    My friend sent me here to your blog and after reading this post I can understand why.. My husband and I are also struggling to get pregnant. I was diagnosed with PCOS about 18 months ago after 6 months of trying (my sister was diagnosed and I therefore thought I’d get tested too).. We were devestated. In the time we’ve been trying I’ve seen couples get married pregnant and have babies.. It’s so easy for me to think its not fair and get angry at God (I know I shouldn’t but it’s generally my first step.) thanks for reminding me I’m not going through it alone and thanks to the commenters for reminding me that whatever Gods plan is its purpose is greater than anything I could plan for or dream of and for me that is just really exciting :) thanks so much for your honesty and encouragement. I’ll be praying for you :)

  32. 167

    says

    My dear Gussy Girl!
    What can I say! I’ve been waiting, praying, crying, fighting for that baby bump for so many years now…I so understand what you can’t express…
    I’ll keep you in my prayers, God loves you and has a plan for you, you are not forgotten.
    ♥♥♥

  33. 168

    Brittney Patton says

    I’m sure The Lord brought me here for a reason today. I too am going through the same struggles. I had PCOS (I’ve been healed a year now praise The Lord!) but my sis in law just became pregnant. I’m trying to deal with the emotions of trying for four years without that bump and trying to find happiness for her as well.

    It’s so encouraging to see that you now have had maxwell after all these people have prayed for you. It gives me a renewed hope that I too will get that some day. Thank you for sharing your struggles accompanied with scripture and hope. It’s gives hope to me. :)

  34. 169

    Carrie says

    Hi There,

    I was going back and reading some of your older posts today. I absolutely adore your blog, your work and reading about your life!

    I found that this post resonated with me today. I have a desire for a baby bump and it seems like God’s plan might be a little different than mine.

    Do you share anywhere on your blog about your journey to pregnancy and getting your baby bump?

    I find it encouraging that I am not the only one who struggled with this and to see that you have been blessed with an adorable little one.

    Many blessings and keep on doing what you do!

    C

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