[dusts off computer keyboard]
Hello there, stranger! ;) Let’s get right down to the nitty gritty of what I have to share today, yeah? I’ve been wanting to write here for a few weeks now, but something more important always comes up. In my head I’ve written a few posts since the end of July, but really I haven’t ;) And so quietly, internally, I talk to myself about what I want to share. You know, where it’s safe inside my own head.
So I begin to pretend to write to you something like, “Hey friends! Not too much has been happening here,” and then I begin to trail off with some random thoughts, because there isn’t too much happening in regards to what I used to write about. Right now I’m not selling a handmade product or scheduling mentorship calls or writing an ebook, so that must mean there isn’t anything going on in my life?
Time to cut myself off with a big fat, NO.
No, that is so not true. The truth is there has been so much happening here, and that’s exactly why I haven’t written in nearly seven weeks.
The truth is, there are a lot of lies that I allow to come my way as a stay at home mama, and thinking I don’t have much going on is one of the big lies. Can you relate?
My reality is I have a lot of internal struggles. I am overwhelmed with much (although many remind me is totally normal for this phase of life), especially with the insurance/paperwork details and medical updates on Marigold. She is thriving despite her echogenic kidneys, and it makes me grateful to have a God who hears my cries. It’s a lot, so my motto is “just do the next thing, and then do the next thing.” Repeat forever.
But back to what I was typing earlier — there really has been so much going on with our family, and it’s been a joy to watch! The kids are thriving and creating and acting exactly like the ages they are ;) We went on an amazing mini-road trip in August and drove through five states, visiting friends the entire time! Once home, we re-arranged nearly our entire home, and my adoration for plants has nearly doubled (snort) thanks to my friend Joanna.
Another lie I’ve been believing: kids are supposed to be quiet (aka: why is our home so loud, what am I doing wrong?). Again, NOPE. Their screeches and giggles and karate chops and wild animal growls and the sound of block towers tumbling over, these are all sounds that remind me there is a tribe of little people in our home. So, I must transform my mentality that our home needs to be quiet.
And the last internal lie I’ve been experiencing: the passing of time will heal a wound. It’s been almost four years, and there’s an event that still hurts me deep to my core. Much time has passed, but it hasn’t healed me. There hasn’t been a resolution, but this gap of time has kept me close to God since I have nearly begged Him for an answer for four years now. And as I type this last paragraph, I feel perhaps I’ve finally heard what God was wanting to share with me all along, that He is never far from me. For four years I’ve been running alongside God, waiting for an answer, which I believe is exactly what He wanted to happen. It’s not time though that healed this wound, but rather the discipline in remembering I’m not alone.
Well, how’s that for a personal blog post? ;D