What would life be like with two children?, I often wondered. The first six to eight weeks after Natalie was born were hard, for sure. They were hard for different reasons and on different days. Some days I felt very victorious during the morning hours, but like a complete failure in the afternoon. I’m going to shift all of those thoughts and say it was the flux in my hormones that caused it, because let’s face it: hormones are a beast ;)
But now we’re at nine weeks old. Natalie has grown into her body a bit more and sleeps 6-7 hours/night before waking to nurse (yessssssss). Maxwell is communicating with us at crazy awesome levels and as the weeks pass his vocabulary grows. My mama instinct says these two things are HUGE in helping me feel like we’ve reached a sense of normalcy ’round here.
And it’s almost like that’s all that matters. When everyone gets the rest they need it’s easier to move through the day with a smile on our faces. Communication has always been a huge part of my life (y’all know I love to talk), and similarly when Zack and I are having a low-communication day, everything else feels “off”. So whenever Max struggles to communicate with me, of course life instantly feels 10x more difficult; talking something out is how I process life.
The way I feel today is vastly different from how I felt just a few weeks prior. I’ve taken the pressure off myself so I can “just be me” and it’s crazy how much that has helped. I’ve loosened my grip in certain areas and tightened up in others. This month, as part of my “one little thing”, I’m focusing on moving forward. That means I’m sharing how I feel more often, taking more photos, and letting the small creative moments actually happen throughout the day (when I have time to be creative)! I’m holding back less, and it feels so good.
I’m excited for the months to come when I feel EVEN MORE awesome at being a mama of two. Natalie is growing each day and will soon interact with Max. And Max, my firstborn, is sharing with us what interests him, which is so exciting. Everyone is learning something each day and it’s my goal to recognize and celebrate just that.
I mentioned to Zack the other night that I wasn’t sure what my purpose was for life “right now”. There’s a lot going on right now and it’s not as clear as it used to be in years past. Come morning, however, I had such a different perspective on my purpose and refreshingly, a different outlook on the days to come.
Related: having two babies makes me feel like I’ve hit the jackpot of mamahood. I’m able to tap into the lessons I learned with Maxwell and apply them to taking care of Natalie. I know what to be concerned about and what to let go. I’m more confident and less afraid, but definitely more emotional. There’s so much good to being able to experience another healthy pregnancy, VBAC delivery, and post birth at home.